Finding Hope

It's hard to believe another year has almost come and gone.  Another calendar year, and, for our family, another year without Mom and Dad.

Some days, the victory of making it through another day--another moment--is exciting enough.  The holidays still brought an extra twinge of pain, a few extra tugs on our heart strings, and a sharper awareness of what we no longer have.  I still thought of how strange it must look for Chase, Jordan, and me to be road tripping to Indiana without parents along.  Opening presents without Mom and Dad just didn't feel right.  The dinner table, though packed elbow-to-elbow, was a few elbows short of full.  I can tell I'm a little less patient and a little more tired than I have been in a while.  The loss is still great, and still real...but God really is so much greater. Tonight, God reminds me that His grace has brought us so far beyond just being "okay." 

This past year has been quite the discovery process.  I've learned that sometimes God strips away what we always thought provided our hope and joy and security to show us that He is the only sufficient One.  In His grace, He has gently shown me how adulteress my heart is so that I am beginning to cling more tightly to my true Provider rather than running to temporary fixes.  God is slowly, patiently, faithfully revealing to me the fact that the things I chase and long for in this world--even good things!--are simply not Him. 

He alone reigns forever.  His love and grace, faithfulness and provision, joy and hope are infallible. 

So this Christmas season, the reality of loss is still inevitable, but the power of hope is stronger than the pain. 

Tonight, as we opened Christmas presents, I received an ornament that was a cute little teddy bear holding a sign that simply says, "Hope."  I smiled, and Aunt Beth leaned towards me and said, "I got you that because I've seen you really seeking out that hope this past year." 

Hope.  Hope brings encouragement and the will--no, the desire--to go on.  "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.  It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf." (Hebrews 6:19-20).  So hope and Christmas go hand-in-hand. 

Our God in His kindness decided He didn't want us to have to spend eternity away from Him as we deserve.  And so, the Christ child Jesus was born.  In the form of a baby, so small and dependent, God delivered the most thought-out, enduring, powerful gift He could have given.  He brought us a Savior.  The gift is there, and though we don't deserve it, God longs for us to chose to open and embrace the gift of His Son. 

So I have hope.  And I'm realizing how much more lengthy my "Thankful-for List" is than my "Wish List."  Each day, God reminds me to trust Him through my insecurities and to look for the blessings He's planted.  There really is power in counting blessings! 

This Christmas night, here is part of "My Thanks-A-Million List"

1.  I am a child of the King, placed here for a reason.  He promises to never abandon me as He helps me discover and fall into that plan. 

2.  I have true friends who love and support me.

3.  The Lord grabbed the hearts of my grandparents, and they became first-generation believers.  Since then, they have not been perfect.  But they have remained faithful and, after 91 years, continue to enjoy life as they pray and seek the will of God. Their choices have made all the difference in the lives of our family members.  I don't want to imagine what the process of grieving the death of Mom and Dad would have looked like without their faith showering years of prayers and wisdom on us. 

4. I have a warm bed, new Josh Turner CD's :) , and yummy food to enjoy on this rather chilly night.

5.  My family, though crazy and sometimes a bit much to handle, brings so much laughter, joy, and good goofy memories into my life.

6.  God promises to have my back and go ahead of me as I step into whatever new adventures He has in store.


Yes. Tonight, I'm thankful for hope.  Because who wants to go through life in fear?  I've tried that route, too, and I don't recommend it. 

My Christmas prayer is that God would become so undeniably real to the widows, the fatherless, and the broken-hearted.  I pray for strength, peace, and joy for those who aren't able to be with their families over the holidays.  Whether a loved one has gone Home, was a no-show to start with, or has chosen to go so they can defend the freedom of loved ones left behind, my heart goes out to the lonely and hurting hearts this season in a way it never has. 

The beauty of hope lies in its reality and availability.  Don't lose heart when hope seems out of sight.  Give yourself some grace, make the choice to keep seeking and taking hold of God's glorious promises, and know you are loved.  May hope in our eternal God restore your weary spirit and bring a special depth to the joy that already exists.

Merry Christmas, everyone. :)