The ants go marching one by one...down the the ground, to get out of the rain....
I guess everyone goes through this phase at one time or another...and right now, it's my turn. I'm feeling a bit like one of those poor little ants who kept marching, trying to get out of the rain. But the rain doesn't wait until they're safely inside. Each turn of the page leads to yet another adventure, another thing that keeps them marching, moving forward, as they try to deal with life's storm. Time simply won't stop--not even for a little bit, no matter how badly they want it to. And that poor little guy in the back...it doesn't matter how they march--2 by 2 or 8 by 8--something else always comes up. Being the smallest, I'm sure he's got to work twice as hard to keep up--trust me, I know about that! :) And if we've got anything else in common, he's probably been wishing for quite some time that he was safe in the ant hill. -Finally able to sit and relax. to breath and figure out what's going on in life. But still, a steady drizzle and the unexpected loom around the bend.
Now don't get me wrong. Some of the distractions are fun! Like the "jump and jive" part. Those moments of laughter are like an umbrella, able to keep us dry for a bit, even if the sound of rain above never completely lets us break free. But other times, the everyday moments of life trip us up. Sometimes I find myself tying shoes to avoid loose ends and tripping when I'm not expecting it. Other times I'm left picking up sticks--moving the junk so other people see a nice, pretty yard when they look at me. Often, those "sticks" make it no farther than to a pile in the back yard to be dealt with later. And so, the pile keeps growing. And eventually, it spills over into an entry like this one, exposing everything that's been buried for so long. Making public the frustrations that only a few people have heard about.
I suppose blogging like this is my way of sorting out the sticks--the emotions and struggles that clutter things up. My time to figure out which things I can hold onto for later, knowing they will someday bring joy, and which things I need to let go of. Which sticks can be used for roasting marshmallows and which need to go straight to the burn pile, if you will!
When I stop and look at life right now, it's crazy! I suppose that's what makes me feel like one of those ants, wishing I could just stop time while the storm passed. But life's really not that bad. The force of losing Mom and Dad has lessened from a raging hurricane to more occasional scattered thunderstorms. The sun stays out longer, and I'm learning to carry some sort of umbrella to block out or lessen the effect of the unexpected storms, as they do still come. I suppose they always will. But as with the clouds that must eventually let go, unable to hold another drop, I'm finding those times of letting go bring a sense of relief and refreshment, softening my heart so good things can grow.
...Whether all those metaphors make sense or not, I'm not sure. If not, I suppose you can join me in the confusion that life brings. Just when I think I've got it figured out, I'm reminded how out of my control life really is. But now, I'll talk in plain English to give you an idea of some of the adventures--the good ones :) --that life has handed us over the past few months since I last wrote. ...Brace yourself or feel free to skim--a lot has happened! :)
I survived
the National Honor Society banquet, break-down-free! ...I came close to losing it for a while after the time of honoring Mom and Dad, but managed to pull it together. Below is me and my "most influential teacher." -A wonderful lady who taught me about life, both in her biology classes and the way she lives day to day.
Next came a trip to the big city--New York City to be exact! The adventure began with a care package from my wonderful cousin, Debbie, and her four boys. It was filled with lots of yummy food and a precious note to help get us through the looooong bus ride.
The following few days were filled with sight seeing, a bit of performing (it was a choir trip, after all), and more food!
...We experienced the crazy traffic (I definitely prefer a tractor slowing things down to a NYC traffic jam!) ...
...tossed pennies into a fountain just so we could say we had :) ...
...saw the Broadway show, Wicked!!...
...and so much more! (haha, I sound like a commercial now :) ) Over the course of this trip, we also lived on sleep deprivation, bargained in China Town, saw Ellis Island, and did a variety of other tourist-y things.
The next big thing to get through was Easter. While not having Mom and Dad there just didn't seem right, we still managed to have some fun with riding around on the 4-wheeler and an Easter egg hunt...
After that came prom!!
...Carrie and I got to get our nails done--a new and very fun experience for us! ...
...and that Saturday, Debbie joined me with a "strawberry daiquiri" as I got my hair done by the lovely Mrs. Seward...
...after spending some time with the girls at a friends a friend's house, I returned to my house and finished getting ready...with a little help from my cousin who wanted to get fancy with me :) ...
...and theeeen, my date showed up looking all handsome in his tux :) Once I FINALLY got his boutonniere pinned on (with a little help), we couldn't pass the opportunity to take pictures with some dandelions! We had joked about having them as our corsage and boutonniere because they were yellow like my dress :) ...
...after that, we enjoyed a meal our parents had prepared for us, and then took part in the Grand March! (I'm told I walked too fast, but hey, they had plenty of time to see us all dressed up :) ) ...
The theme for the evening was "Into the Ocean" and I suppose this would be an appropriate time to mention that the Monday before prom, my date and I jumped into the official world of dating! :) Since then, we have just enjoyed getting to know each other. "Dates" are usually hanging out at one of our houses, talking, learning about the other's childhood pass-times, cooking dinner over a fire--even when it rains!--and watching family "classics."
...We've also enjoyed an evening bowling on a triple date :) ...
Other things filled our days before the end of school, such as going to Dan Gable's house with the Mid-Prairie wrestling team and enjoying a meal by their pool side. This awesome opportunity was set up for us during the benefit auction that was held for our family...
...and my spare minutes were spent with charcoal all over my fingers as I finished putting together my AP Art portfolio. While my favorite 5 pieces were sent off to the college board to be evaluated, these are a few I displayed at my graduation party...
...At last, the final day of my high school career rolled around!! I signed out for the last time ever...
...and Carrie and Hannah and I sent out the year quite well! We enjoyed spending the night in a cabin and using the row boat to catch bull frogs! ...After we squished some spiders that were crawling on the boat. That's what's going on in the boat picture :) ...
...We then had a week or so to get ready for our graduation party. Family came in from out of town, and the mix of getting ready for our own party while trying to sleep and make it to other parties was quite the challenge! It all came together at last. With the help of a group of wonderful ladies from church, our menu of cheese cake, chips and an assortment of dips, homemade mints, and sweet tea was a success I hear :) ...
...A "Welcome Table" that was seen when guests first came in displayed pictures of Carrie and I together as we were growing up. I should mention for those of you who aren't as familiar with our family, Carrie is my cousin and has been my best friend as long as I can remember! ...
...we found the coolest thing online and decorated with "floating" pearls!! This picture from above doesn't show them quite as well, but it was awesome :) ...
...And of course pictures were taken with the family--both sides...
...the next day was my official last day as a Mid-Prairie student. Graduation had come at last! Our seminar (same group of students, with the same teacher all four years of high school) got together one last time for a group picture around the bench they placed in front of the school in honor of Mom and Dad...
...and theeeeeennn...I GRADUATED!!!! ....
...more pictures were taken with friends and family...
...and the day was finished off with more parties.
Whew. If you made it all the way through that, I commend you! Those are just the highlights, and not all of them! Also thrown into the mix has been teaching Vacation Bible School, trying to make it to baseball games, some babysitting, and dealing with the thoughts of college and all the changes that will bring.
As you can see, life has been a blur for quite some time now. I suppose my break-down this afternoon may have been from finally stopping and realizing the craziness of it all. While I obviously have moments of feeling defeated, I believe God is using this time to draw me closer to Him. I am learning that He truly is my Strength in times of weakness. My heart has to be reminded every day to cling to the Rock instead of the passing things of this world. He is trying to train my mind to rest in Him and His security, even in the midst of uncertainty. And every.day. a blessing is sent my way to assure me that I'm not forgotten. That I am still loved and valued. That "God is faithful. Tomorrow will be better." And He has it all under control.
