tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5511248162642988682024-02-19T04:07:03.424-08:00Life as We Know ItNicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-57747567484664403672017-02-18T13:04:00.000-08:002017-02-18T14:21:44.596-08:00Red Lights(The following is an extra-long, kind of unorganized update of Life since Louisville. See, I actually started this post 3 or 4 months ago and just got around to finishing it--shocker! My own heart needed reminded of the things He taught me then, in light of the things I'm struggling with now, so the long version it is!)<br />
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Even before Pinterest made it famous, fall was my favorite season.<br />
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Of course, there are brilliant colors and the sweet smell of the leaves as they fall. There are cozy sweaters, and hay rides, and delicious foods. There's harvest and less humidity (hooray for better hair days!). The air feels crisp and clean, and somehow it clears my mind and quiets my heart while waking me up inside.<br />
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And there's hunting season. For someone who's never personally had a hunting license...I. love. hunting season. You see, if you knew my dad, you know he had a deep admiration and respect for the care and power and wisdom of God that is expressed in His creation. The outdoors is where Dad refueled. And he passed that on to me, largely through sharing the activities of hunting season. Hunting season meant walks with Dad, learning about the woods and the creatures that fill them. It meant late nights, working with Dad and the siblings to clean a deer in the machine shed. It meant getting to skip school to traipse through a field, with out-of-state family members, in pursuit of a, "Rooster!" (For those who don't know, a rooster is a male pheasant, and when a bird flies, you hope everyone calls, "Rooster!" because you're not supposed to shoot the hens.) <br />
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Or sometimes, I'd skip school to be with the women at home. On those days, we laughed, and cooked, and colored pictures, and cooked some more. Evening would come, and the guys would bring home their birds and their stories. As we shared a meal, we would relive the highs and lows of the day, as well as memories from previous hunts, before retiring in front of the wood stove, the tired dogs nearby and a good book in hand.<br />
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We learned a lot in those days. About life, and love, and family. About God's creativity and provision.<br />
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So fall is my favorite. It's a piece of home. It reminds me of God's goodness, both in the past and in the days to come.<br />
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How fitting that God brought me to Louisville at the onset of fall. For I knew quickly that this would be a very sweet season of life.<br />
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This summer, as I thought about moving to a new city, I tried to look forward with both excitement and a realistic picture of the challenges I would face. For example: Yay for my sister, brother-in-law, and niece being nearby!! But...I'd have no idea how to get around. There would be concrete everywhere, and traffic. There would be people everywhere --but very few whom I actually knew. Clearly, two of my main concerns were that corn fields and cows would no longer be my closest neighbors and that making friends without being in school would be a great hurdle.<br />
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I sit here, nearly 6 months later, and am in awe of the ways the Lord has provided. Let's just begin by praising Him for GPS systems. Without them, many tears would have been spilled over trying to navigate this new land! Actually, I probably would have just stayed in most of the time. Instead, I have been led to parks, and homes, and antique shops, and coffee shops, and church, and back to a cozy little townhouse I now call "home." And in these places, my soul has been strengthened by open spaces, and laughter, and warm hugs, and rich conversation. He is faithful and kind, indeed.<br />
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And you know what? Had He sent me to Louisville and withheld every one of these tangible gifts, His faithfulness would not have been diminished one bit. One thing I continue to learn is that, though His visible gifts are wonderful and should be cherished, the sweetest thing God gives us is access to Himself. One of the pastors at the church I now attend reminded us the other day that, "Though God cannot be known exhaustively, He can be known truly." <br />
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So today, I returned to my favorite little table, at one of my favorite coffee shops, to take advantage of a slow day and the opportunity to know Him more truly. As I covered the table with my usual, unorganized collection of quiet time essentials and let my mind wander between what I was reading, and the traffic before me, and the bits of overheard conversations, and the truths I'm being taught at church, and the realities of the decisions I'm currently facing (further evidence of my father in me :) ), the Lord kindly synchronized these into a cohesive thought:<br />
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How impatient I become at the red lights of life! But in those days, as I am forced to sit and wait, the Lord continues working. He is clearing the path, making a way, actively orchestrating my life. Red lights are not a time to despair, to fidget, to rage. They are a time to rest, observe, reflect. To thank God for His protection, His provision, His perfect knowledge and ability. Lord, help me to rejoice in the waiting!<br />
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In the wake of the Lord's clear provision after moving here, I've allowed my heart to become anxious at the remaining unknowns of life. I know I'll be here in Louisville this next year--that He is asking me to remain and grow in faithfulness and intentionality where I'm at...but that's it. I don't know yet how working and serving and relationships will look, and I find I'm pretty good at leaning on my own understanding to try and figure it all out. Meanwhile, He asks--even commands!--that I trust Him. He's grown me in the trust department through the obvious ups and downs. Now I'm learning to trust Him, actively, in the waiting.<br />
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That means, most of all, I continue seeking Him. And when I find Him--when my soul is refreshed by promises and evidence of His working in the waiting since the beginning of time--I find the waiting isn't such a big deal. I'm reminded that the Lord will have His way, His way is best, and He's always right on time.<br />
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That's all I have, really, but He's teaching me that that's enough. After all, through His perfect way and timing, "my greatest need has been met" in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He has called me by name and promises to complete the work He's started in my life. May we, as Christians, rejoice in the opportunity to serve Him in the day-to-day, and the assurance that He remains on His throne, today and forever!<br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-6502336301907352182016-10-10T19:33:00.002-07:002016-10-10T19:33:37.829-07:00Include the GraceI want to begin this post by telling you a little about a lady name Elisabeth Elliot. For those unfamiliar with her story, the short version is that she lost her first husband while they were missionaries in Ecuador. He was killed by the tribe they had gone to serve. After her husband's death, she stayed there for two years, living out the Gospel to the very men who killed her husband. She returned to the States, remarried, and lost her second husband to a battle with cancer. And she still had the courage to marry a third time. In the midst of it all, she became a well-known author and speaker, faithfully serving her Lord and Savior. Hers is a faith I want to know more about. <br />
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So, over the past year or so, I looked at every thrift store, every
clearance shelf, hoping to come across a book by Elisabeth Elliot. Yes, I know...I could purchase one on Amazon or something super simple
like that. But for some reason, I didn't. For some reason, I kept
looking. And it worked out pretty well for me. At the end of this summer, I came across one of her lesser-known books titled, "The Path of Loneliness." Truth be told, this life-path without Mom and Dad, in a family and workplace full of married and dating peers, can be a bit lonely. The Lord and I have been working on this one (recognizing, and trusting, and delighting in His presence) quite a bit over the last several years, so, I just chuckled, told my sister I'd found my book, and left super excited about my purchase. <br />
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As I read these pages, I find priceless challenges and overwhelming hope. Many of these finds have come from thoughts I've held in my heart being so clearly put to words by another who knows what it is to grieve. Many more have come from the transparency of Elisabeth's writing as she shares, from great wisdom and grace, about the lessons her Heavenly Father has taught her along her own path of loneliness and healing. <br />
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One of the first things that hit me hard is this: "Those who only watch and pray and try to put themselves in the place of the bereaved find it almost unendurable. Sometimes they weep uncontrollably, for their imaginations never include the grace." <br />
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How true I have found this, both as others watched my siblings and I after Mom and Dad's death and as I now watch others begin their own journey of grief. I hate, more than almost anything, the moment I find out someone else is just beginning the grieving and healing process. I remember the raw brokenness. I know that soon, the rest of the world will go on as normal while the one hurting is trying to figure out what "normal" even means now. I know the complexity of the path ahead. I hate that others have to walk that path. <br />
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And then I remember the grace. And I am faced, again, with the realization that I hate that moment because I place my human limitations on the Almighty God. I cast the shadow of my own weariness over the situation and forget that the God who saw me through is every bit as capable in this new situation, in this other person's life. <br />
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The Lord reminds me that when news comes of another's loss, as believers, we must first pray. Believing that God is able, we must pray for His comfort to be experienced, His presence to be made known, His Kingdom to be advanced. <br />
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We must also pray that we would use discernment in how we interact with those hurting most deeply. Sometimes, we must act. Through a meal, or a word, or household tasks, or a hug...sometimes, we must act. <br />
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And while there is beauty in sharing one another's burdens, while it is good to hurt when others are hurting, we must always keep an accurate view of the sovereign God. He is still the Provider of peace that makes no sense. He is still our good Father. He is still wise, and loving, and so very active. Therefore, rather than despair, we must always include the grace. Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-66034876041885941662016-06-18T17:41:00.001-07:002016-06-18T17:41:47.355-07:00#Goals#Strong. #Young. #Beautiful. #Adventurous. #Bold. #Independent. <br />
#goals<br />
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Right? Isn't this what we are striving for? <br />
Or are at least supposed to want? <br />
<br />
What if our #goals looked a little different? What if they were more like<br />
#Gentle. #Wise. #Confident. #Obedient. #Courageous. #Dependent. <br />
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Can this second set of #goals even co-exist in one human being? And who really wants to be known for these things? Don't they just make me a stuffy carbon copy of what my legalistic Sunday School teacher expected me to become? Or worse yet, don't they make me boring? weak? insufficient? <br />
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Let me back up and give you a little context. <br />
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I'm a 22-year-old female. College graduate. Single. Outgoing introvert. Love for new cultures and the outdoors. Learning each day to walk more closely with Jesus. <br />
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The world at my fingertips!!<br />
At least that's what they tell me. <br />
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Lately, though, I've noticed some...issues.... Some fatal flaws in myself that are not fun to deal with--for me or anyone living with me.<br />
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You see, the sometimes-subconscious pursuit of the first set of #goals has produced in me an ugly six-headed monster, born of pride. Its heartbeat is nothing more than fear, which sends selfishness coursing through my veins, fueling my actions and thought processes.<br />
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Pride, fear, and selfishness don't look nearly as good in an Instagram post as strength, beauty, and the rest. They are the filth we conceal behind a freshly-painted door and a well-manicured lawn. They are often subtle, easy to dismiss or justify. But they are no less present and real. <br />
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And they are dangerous. <br />
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They are dangerous because they steal our joy, our enthusiasm for life. They build a wall between us and the people we love. They prevent us from seeing situations and other people through the eyes of the One who came to give us abundant life. They destroy our understanding of purpose, security, and grace. <br />
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I imagine most of us have experienced at least one of these, to some degree. So I want to switch gears. Enough of the doom and gloom. On to the effects of the second set of, seemingly-less-exciting-and-goal-worthy, #goals. <br />
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Because you probably forget what they are, I'll list them again.<br />
#Gentle. #Wise. #Confident. #Obedient. #Courageous. #Dependent.<br />
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What if we laid down our pride and decided to pursue gentleness instead of strength? I'm not talking about the strength that holds onto right when wrong seems to be winning, or even the physical strength that allows us to accomplish the tasks set before us. Please, hold onto those kinds of strength! I'm talking about the strength that always says, "I've got this--alone. And don't second guess me because I'm right. I know it." I think, if we chose gentleness, we would find ourselves and those around us far more at-ease, encouraged to walk in truth, comforted by a kind of security that says, "You're home here." <br />
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Wisdom instead of youth. Well, we wouldn't make so many stupid decisions, for one. But we'd also realize that life is short, and laughter is beautiful. And in pursuing Godly wisdom, I think we would find ourselves more balanced, with a perspective that eases some of the pains of daily life and increases the simple joys. <br />
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Confidence over beauty. Is there even a difference? Haven't we been told that the most beautiful girl is the confident one? There's some truth to that. As long as the source of our confidence is Jesus Christ and the purpose with which He made us. Confidence in ourselves and our abilities is prideful and temporary, binding us to the fear of not measuring up. Newsflash: we're all gunna get old (if the Lord allows) and find ourselves wondering why things don't come together quite like they used to. Second newsflash: we already have plenty of "flaws." So if our confidence lies beyond ourselves, in the finished work of Christ on the cross and the fact that He loves us and chooses us, that He is able even though we're not...we'll be much better off. <br />
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Here's one for ya--obedience before adventure. I'm not sure why we let this one trip us up--myself included. My obedience has brought me to the greatest, most memorable, most picturesque adventures of my life. The most difficult ones, too? Yep. And, of course, to the ones that seem like they had absolutely no point. But obedience always brings us peace before God so that we can fully enjoy the adventures. <br />
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Courage and boldness. Though they sound much the same, there is a difference--at least in the way I'm using them here. Boldness says, "I've got to stand out! Make an impression they can't forget!" Courage is sometimes that loud, but other times it's quiet. Courage often enables that first step of obedience. Other times, courage puts us face-to-face with our inner-most battles so that there is finally victory, or at least progress, that brings us freedom. Courage says, "It's not about me, anyway. What have I got to lose?" <br />
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Finally, the one I've struggled with most here recently. Dependence. Why on earth would I, in light of all I already told you about myself, promote dependence over independence? Because, like nothing I've experienced before, my "independence" fuels selfishness that says, "My day, and everything that fills it, is about me." That means how I treat people is about what's most convenient for me. It means that how other people act towards me should obviously be about...me. It means that when problems or weaknesses appear, it's up to me to figure it out. Yikes. <br />
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Also, dependence is what God intended for us all along. From the beginning, God gave Adam access to Himself and a life to be shared with Eve. Dependence. Community. Psalm 62:7 explains it a little further. "My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge." That means that my standing with God, and with man, depend on God. What a mess I create when I try to live by my own strength, my own ability. <br />
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Furthermore, I shouldn't be shocked, or even discouraged, when I discover yet another thing that I'm not especially good at. God created us to be in community. He created us to need one another, to use the gifts and abilities He's given us, and to value and partner with people who are great at the things which we lack. <br />
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Dependence is not a sign of weakness. Life with God is not possible without full dependence on who He is and all He's done. Life with people is possible with independence...but it's so much sweeter when we are willing to let down our guard, reach out a hand, and live life thankful for those around us. <br />
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So from now on, I want my #goals to look less like envy for another person's appearance, relationships, and adventures. Let's make our #goals actually mean something. Let's lay down our own agendas, pick up our Bibles (and read them, of course), and go into the world, our lives proclaiming the difference made by dependence on Christ. Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-43225774043839197642015-12-06T21:27:00.000-08:002015-12-06T21:29:22.043-08:00Fear Not February marks four years.<br />
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Four years since life as I knew it radically changed. Four years since I said my final, "See you later," to the two most influential people in my life. Four years since Mom and Dad went Home....<br />
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So very much has happened in these almost-four years that my head spins at the thought of trying to capture even the skeleton of it. But I'll try. Because I know I need to face it head-on to bring the next phase of healing, I'll try. <br />
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That first year after Mom and Dad died was the most difficult I have known. The shock, then raw pain. The wondering if I would ever be okay again. Life was hard, but God was working. I'll never forget waking up one day and realizing I <i>was</i> going to be okay...that life is still beautiful. I'll never forget the release of letting my imperfect self accept the love of Jesus while choosing to love Him back. That first year was difficult, no doubt, but growth comes from dirt, after all. <br />
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The second year was a bit better. College was way more fun! New friendships came more naturally, and God provided me with some of my best friends to date. Yet there was an emptiness--a longing to belong that was heightened by great insecurity. And in that season of feeling so unsettled, the Lord patiently taught me, and gently reminded me, that He made me the way I am with purpose. Not just on purpose, but with purpose. He graciously allowed me to see the beauty within myself...He taught me about me so that I can focus on others. In that time, my love for people and teaching and adventure was quietly rekindled. <br />
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Year three. Year three was crazy! A whirlwind of love, and laughter, and tears, and vulnerability, and conviction, and hope as He sent me packing to Bolivia and Montana. Year three, God allowed me to put into action the work He had been doing in my heart. And though I still mostly felt a mess, He showed me that my heart had at least received enough healing to once again hurt for other people. Year three, my heart was tattooed with images that do not stop at brokenness. No, the images so clearly imprinted in the core of my being are images of hope and healing that only Jesus can give...and that I have the opportunity of sharing. Year three, I was convinced that the greatest honor and joy I could ever know is knowing and loving God and, as a result of that, loving the lost and broken, encouraging my brothers and sisters. <br />
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As the winds of year three subsided, I realized that God is faithful...and I have trust issues. Through year four, I've been learning to trust again. My head thought I was, and my mouth proclaimed it, but...the fear that
gripped my heart told another story. The truth of the matter was that I
didn't want to trust God with my future because so far, nothing has
gone as planned, and the detours have been rough, and who knows when or how God
will decide to fulfill my heart's desires for the remainder of my life. Yet the faithfulness of God has become one of my favorite attributes about Him. How? I'm not really sure. I guess because He gives me what I need when what I want is stupid...but He never tells me I'm stupid for wanting what I do. Instead, He shows me what's better, opening doors I never would have chosen, providing opportunities I never could have dreamed. And He gives me peace.<br />
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I have no idea what year five will hold, but this I do know: our God is real and alive and powerful and loving, and because of that--because He is God--He is deserving of trust. This is what I am learning. This is what I am clinging to. While there is still back-and-forth with how well I feel I'm doing, I have confidence in my God. There is hope through His faithfulness, joy in His works, and peace in His arms. And I pray that my life is seen, not as a picture of perfection or some "goal" to achieve, but as a testimony of what happens when man's deep brokenness collides with God's greater grace. <br />
<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-87348310350300251572015-08-28T06:44:00.001-07:002015-08-28T06:44:37.871-07:00Moved by CompassionI never thought I would write a post that has anything to do with "politics" or our world's current events. Not because they're not important...I simply don't feel qualified, and all of the hubbub stresses me out!<br />
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But how can we, as Christians, claim to be living as God wants us to, without concern for the broken world we live in? And not just concern that makes us feel sympathy or righteous anger when we hear of another injustice...but concern that moves us to action.<br />
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I was convicted of this as I read in the book of Jeremiah this morning. Now, my personality is much more comfortable with mercy than justice, so the first, ooooh, 28 chapters of this book have not been what I would call enjoyable. <br />
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You see, the first part of Jeremiah is talking about the Israelites--God's chosen people--and how they constantly turn to other gods, and God has about had it. Exile, death, and despair are on their way. Sure, they deserve it. Yes, God is God and what He says goes. But it still makes me uncomfortable. I have to wrestle through content like this. <br />
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Yet I kept reading because I wanted to get the whole picture. <br />
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And this morning, I saw God's justice and mercy collide. And it all makes a little more sense. <br />
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First, we must not forget that God has been patiently, lovingly sending them prophet after prophet to warn them of the coming destruction if they do not turn back to Him. But they don't. God has been begging them--for years!--to repent and be saved. But they haven't. (This is where the "they deserve it" comment really comes into focus.) How often this is us. <br />
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Then today's reminder:<br />
"'Is not Ephraim my dear son,<br />
the child in whom I delight?<br />
Though I often speak against him,<br />
I still remember him.<br />
Therefore my heart yearns for him;<br />
I have great compassion for him,'<br />
declares the Lord."<br />
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Woah. God is delighting over a "dear" son who has lived in years of greatest rebellion. That's love. Of course our holy, perfect God has been speaking against them. They're a wicked mess. But in His talk against them, His heart is not hardened towards them. No, instead, God's heart breaks over their condition. He longs to have them back, living as He always intended. <br />
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I have to think about where I fall in all of this. First, am I walking as one of God's children, or am I one stuck in rebellion? Second, if I am walking with God, does my heart break for the lost? <br />
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Do I reject and scorn the lost, or does my heart yearn for them?<br />
Am I moved to bitterness, resentment, disgust, or superiority because lost people are living like lost people? Or do I have compassion because the lost are lost? <br />
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Compassion leads to action. We must get our hands dirty so that hearts may be made clean. This does not mean living in sin to "identify" with people. It means walking into the desert, having real conversation, making real relationships, offering time and resources, loving despite rejection, and pointing people to the life-giving water that is Jesus. We do not save them, but we introduce them to, and reflect, the One who can. <br />
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I, personally, have failed to do this. We, as a church, have failed to do this. <br />
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I don't recall reading about Jesus sitting and complaining with His followers about the state their world was in. Last I checked, He acted. He ate with sinners. He offered hope to prostitutes. He welcomed children. He set examples among His followers by washing their dirty, tired feet. He taught. He healed. He prayed. <br />
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It's time we stop singing about Jesus without acting like Him. We must be in close relationship with our Father, and from that, in whatever act we are called to, we must step out in obedience. <br />
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Our broken world will not be instantly fixed. But heaven rejoices over the salvation of just one lost soul, the return of just one wandering brother. May our hearts be moved to compassion. May our compassion always lead to action. <br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-71203043474972624542015-04-14T10:08:00.000-07:002015-04-14T10:23:21.664-07:00Designed for Desire "Keep breaking my heart."<br />
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I find myself bringing this unnatural plea before the Lord as I realize how far I have sunk into natural habits. These past couple weeks have left me humbled by the realization of how much my life has become about serving <i>me--</i>making me happy and successful. <br />
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In my mind I see a healthy me in the near future, surrounded by adoring students who are eager to learn...living in ideal housing, an active part of a thriving church, growing in relationship with a man who loves the Lord and has chosen me, surrounded by true community, with time to spare on the weekends for additional socializing or exploring. Oh, and all of this is, of course, done with an abundance of energy and enthusiasm! <br />
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Are these dream bad? No. Are they realistic? Possibly. How about beneficial in the long run? Yep. <br />
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So what's the problem? ...The problem, is that they miss the whole point. Not because of the dreams themselves, but because of my heart behind them. These dreams have become my idols. My motivation and the reason I put the extra hours behind that difficult project, even if it means getting 3 hours of sleep. So I find myself quite the opposite of happy and successful. I am tired. I am stressed. Weighed down by the relentless pressure for a perfect performance. I am reciting the right answers while my heart is aching, begging for the day to return when I won't feel like I'm faking it. <br />
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But in the process of breaking my heart over how far I've strayed and the over-attention I've given to dreams that have not yet come true, God is restoring hope. He is giving me a new desire for these things, but with the right heart behind them. He is reminding me how much more beautiful dreams are when they are placed in His hands. He is reminding me that the whole point is an active relationship with Him. <br />
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He is reminding me that these dreams are nothing compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Him. When we surrender, letting go of selfish ambitions, He is free to have His way. We must not forget that God will have His way in the end--He is God, afterall. So why do we fight it? Why drown ourselves trying to swim upstream when God offers a guided whitewater trip down, full of adventure, and support through the fear, and laughter along the way?<br />
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Throughout time, people have done all they can to create a god better than God. <br />
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Isaiah 40:18-20 says,<br />
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To whom, then, will you compare God?</div>
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What image will you compare Him to?</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As for an idol, a craftsman casts it, and a goldsmith overlays it with gold and fashions silver chains for it. A man too poor to present such an offering selects wood that will not rot. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
He looks for a skilled craftsman <i>to set up an idol that will not topple</i>. </div>
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The human heart--the life-beat of you, and me, and the broken girl on the corner--has always longed for stability. If we could just create, or find, the one thing that will never change or fail us, everything would be different. We would never ever go back to the things that have let us down. Right? Wrong. At least in my life, that's been wrong. <br />
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How easily I forget that the God who created my heart, so full of desire, is the creator and provider of everything I've ever wanted. His provision may not always look like I expect it to, but that's part of the beauty of it...when we let Him, He gives us what we need long before He gives us what we want.<br />
<br />
...A friend of mine recently built a cross for me to use as in illustration with the girls in my prayer group and to it, he attached a note that reads,<br />
<br />
"As I make this cross, I reflect on what it actually symbolizes. We wear the cross around our necks, place it in our homes, see it on walls, and never reflect on how much it means to us. The King of the world stepped off His throne, and knowingly took His place on the cross for you and I. Not simply for you to enter Heaven, but He made 'the way' for us to have a relationship with Him. The choice is ours, will we spend our lives at the foot of the cross, living in the presence of our Creator? Or will we venture out looking for something better. I choose to stay here at the cross where I am promised eternal life with God."<br />
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Eternal life starts today, right now, and God wants us to spend it with Him. No more idols. No more fuss over things that don't matter. Not blind to the desires of our hearts, but daily surrendering them to our gracious Father, trusting that He will provide what we need, when we need it. <br />
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Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:27-31<br />
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We often miss that those beloved verses come right after those mentioned earlier in this post. We may search for something better and spend all our days and resources trying to create what it is our hearts desire, but it will never measure up to God. It will never <i>be</i> God. <br />
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All the striving and stress had crept in where God's peace is supposed to reign. But not today. Because of what God has done, because of who He is, my life again rests in His hands, and my heart's desires along with it. <br />
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May we recognize that He is God, and He is better. May we allow the earthly desires of our hearts to always draw us closer to our heavenly Father. Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-37213894459351488312015-02-22T20:49:00.004-08:002015-02-22T20:49:56.634-08:00Just Keep GrowingSometimes God reveals His love and power and grace through another flawless sunset. Sometimes through the roar of waves upon the sand. Other times through the encouragement and hug of a friend. Often through His very Word. <br />
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A couple weeks ago, God reminded me of who He is through dirt and a crooked little tree.<br />
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After an emotional week, I knew I needed to escape to the woods and take a walk. So I did. The walk began with frantic steps, my heart desperate to escape the weight it had been carrying. As the sun filtered through the trees along top of the ridge, I began soaking in the warmth it offered, my heart encouraged by the way the light danced before me. And I began to pray that the light of Christ, and my desire to run along the path God has created for me, would remain constant in my life.<br />
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My head began to clear as I ran, and my heart with it. Then I stopped. And I just sat on a rock in the middle of the trail, and I rested. As the quiet of the woods overtook my clearly-need-to-run-more-often breathing, the smell of the earth became more and more noticeable. As I got up and began walking again, I noticed, not for the first time, the sparkly rocks and their pieces that decorate the otherwise-brown trail I walked. Now, my mind tends to function in similes and word pictures. So as the sunlight brought out the beauty of these glittering rocks, a thought hit me. Our lives are like that trail, and the blessings God sprinkles along the way are like those rocks: easily missed among the dirt, yet never difficult to find if we adjust our focus. <br />
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So that was a cutsey little thought, cheesy as it was. But my mind kept going back to the dirt. <br />
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There is nothing glamorous about dirt. It just sits there on the ground. We grumble when it's tracked into our homes, yet it always finds its way there. Dirt is messy, and it stains our favorite shoes, and it seems to find joy in causing us to slip after a good rain.<br />
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Yet it is in the dirt that things grow.<br />
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After a seed has died, it must have dirt in order to take root and become something beautiful and new.<br />
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Things like this poor, crooked, little tree. <br />
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At first glance, it's pretty pitiful. Ok, even second glance. But it's not. You see, this little guy did not just wither and die when the bigger trees around it blocked the sun light. It did not refuse to grow in the place it has been planted. No, it did just what it was created to do. It grew. At the expense of becoming tall and proud, like the trees most recognized and desired, it grew crooked. It did what it had to to reach the sun, its source of life. <br />
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Are we willing to be like this little tree and just grow? Forget about glamour and recognition and pride...and just grow...? It won't always be easy. There will be drought and flood, scorching heat and bitter cold. But will we take the dirt that surrounds us and the nutrients that lie within it, find our glimmer of light, and just...grow?<br />
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I hope so. With all my heart, I pray that we look not just past the dirt of our lives, but within it, so that we may know that the struggles never have to be wasted. It is in the middle of our mess that we are most stretched, sharpened, shaped, into all that we are capable of being. It is in the dirt, that we grow. <br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So though we never need be ashamed of our humble beginnings, no matter how insignificant or messed up they may seem, we also must remember that we are made to grow. </span>And the beauty of being human, and not a tree, is that even if we start out wimpy and lopsided, there is hope. There is hope--even the promise--that as we walk with Jesus, soaking up the life He offers, we will become stronger. T<span style="font-family: inherit;">all and straight, an example of </span>perseverance, a picture of what Jesus can do in a life that is surrendered and committed to falling, over and over again, into the arms of grace so that we may drink of His never-ending riches. Even more beautiful is the truth that Jesus has already done the hard work. Because of His sacrifice on that tree at Calvary, we need not fix ourselves. We cannot fix ourselves. We can no more open the heavens and make the rain fall than we can dig ourselves out of the mess we are in. Thankfully, Jesus is a pretty good gardener. Our only options are to either let God water us right where we're at, or let Him transplant us as we trust that He knows which will be best for us. <br />
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Jeremiah 17:8 (ESV) says, "He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."<br />
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And who is "he?" Jeremiah 17:7 (NIV) tells us it "...is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him." <br />
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May we trust. May we choose confidence. And may we always keep growing. Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-91583147396815256272014-10-10T09:36:00.000-07:002014-10-10T09:58:53.406-07:00The Biggest LieTonight, I should be doing homework or going to sleep. Instead, the battle within me rages on. <br />
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It seems like every day lately has been a fight. A fight to keep my mind fixed on God and what He has, rather than on the fleeting things of this world. A fight to have a positive attitude and outlook. A fight to stay awake after long nights of studying or sharing life with the girls. ...Always fighting to stay on track or get ahead. The joy and excitement for life that I so desire seem to be hidden, lying somewhere beneath a blanket of stress, exhaustion, and lies. <br />
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How long will this struggle continue? How long will I buy into the lies that have me tied down?<br />
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"What is the biggest lie Satan tells you?" I was recently asked this as I prepared to share my testimony with a group of high schoolers. As I was planning to share about the love and faithfulness of God, His ability to heal our deepest wounds, and the relentless love of our Father, I knew very well how I would answer that question if it came up.<br />
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"You are not good enough. You will never be good enough." That's it. That is the lie Satan loves to tell me over and over, any chance he gets...because I have chosen to accept it. To own it. Sometimes, it comes in more specific terms. <br />
You are not smart enough. Why try?<br />
You don't have the skill or the stamina that that task requires. Why even begin it?<br />
You are not what he's looking for. Why even dream of or pray for that man? That life?<br />
You are not spiritually on track. Why would God use you?<br />
You are not organized enough. Or lively enough. Or athletic enough.<br />
You just don't have what it takes. Give it up. <br />
You will never be enough.<br />
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And then I wallow. In confusion and doubt and self-pity, I begin to doubt the way God made me, and it's only downhill from there. <br />
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Why? Why do I believe this? Why do I repeat this cycle when I know they are lies? <br />
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For one, the lie is not so much about myself as it is God. Satan's goal has always been to drive a wedge between us and God. On the surface I am doubting me. Go a little deeper, though, and it becomes clear that I am not trusting God--His wisdom in creating me, His love in choosing and pursuing me, or His character in keeping me.<br />
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Then again, I believe it's because there is an element of truth to these lies. Hear me out. Satan does not just pull things out of thin air. He takes what is true and distorts it. He twists it, not beyond recognition, for then it would be useless, but rather beyond its intended purpose. Just as Satan used skewed scripture to tempt Jesus in the desert, he uses skewed scripture to bring us to destruction. <br />
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"All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Truth. The lie? "You have fallen too short. The glory of God will not reach where you are." <br />
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"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." Truth. The lie? "Don't acknowledge or use the gifts and talents God has given you. That's foolish pride." <br />
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"I have told you these things that you may have peace in Me. In this world, you will have troubles, but take heart, for I have overcome the world." Truth. The lie? "Life is gunna be tough. Sure, He's got it in the end, but for now...you just have to get through it however you can."<br />
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The list goes on, differing for each of us depending on the day or even the moment. <br />
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Yet. There is hope. There is help. And it doesn't come from another fallible, fleeting human being. Yes, God often uses other people as an extension of Himself, but we have immediate access to the Father. I could go on and on about the importance of us saturating ourselves in scripture to combat the lies...but I think I'll just let the Word of God speak for itself. Maybe these are the truths you need today, too. <br />
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2 Corinthians 4:7-10 ESV<br />
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. <br />
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Hebrews 4:15-16 ESV<br />
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.<br />
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2 Timothy 1:7 NLT<br />
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.<br />
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Philippians 1:6 NLT<br />
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.<br />
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1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV<br />
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.<br />
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Galatians 5:1 ESV<br />
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. </div>
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Psalm 27:13 NIV<br />
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. <br />
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Too often, we get stuck at the part about man's depravity and forget God's sufficient grace. We stop at us and never make it to God. The results make complete sense. For we were never meant to stop at us. The intent has always been, and will always be, for us to return to God. Over and over again if that's what it takes, until our knees are bruised and bloody. <span style="background-color: white;">Only after we return to God can we remain in God and stand firm in His truths. </span> When we do return, we get to rest. We get to remain.<br />
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I've found my strength will never be enough to withstand the storm that rages in and around me. But even the wind and waves obey our great God. His ways are right and pure and good. He will never leave us or forsake us. And that's the truth. <br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /></span>Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-13938303946366348952014-07-28T21:59:00.002-07:002014-07-29T15:58:50.606-07:00Scrubbin' Toilets. Changing Lives. <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
I've heard it said that everyone should be required to have a service job at least once during their lifetime. Waitress, retail...something like that. Those jobs teach so much about other people, but I've found they teach the servant even more about him- or herself. Scrubbin' toilets has the same effect. </div>
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I just finished reading a book written by Corrie ten Boom, a lady who grew up in Holland and was put in prison for hiding Jews during World War II. The opening quote says, "Today I know that memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do." How true I'm finding this to be!</div>
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My whole life has been a series of preparations; of this, I am sure. I was recently given the opportunity to share my story--God's story in my life--and was reminded as I did so that nothing is wasted when we let God use it. I have been amazed time and time again at how God has used the things Mom and Dad taught and instilled in us to help us through the difficulty of their death. Even better than that, the memories and lessons from the past have given me hope and excitement for the life I have yet to live. Each trial and pain, triumph and joy, has shaped me into who I am today. </div>
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I remember in high school wondering what real difference being a Christ follower made in my life. I did the right things, but I couldn't look at my life and point out specific things that had changed or developed in me as a result of my relationship with Jesus. But folks, I'm happy to announce that God--once again!--knew exactly what He was doing. I needed those days of steady security to prepare me for the adventures I've now begun. </div>
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And the learning is not over! </div>
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These past two-and-a-half years, and the past two-and-a-half months in particular, have taught me so very much. After seasons of grief, healing, and new beginnings, I knew it was time for me to Go. No more sitting around, moping, waiting for life to take me somewhere. God was clearly opening several doors, and I knew it was time for me to step through them. Yes, there were fears, insecurities, and a couple doubts along the way. After all, with man, this is impossible. But with God...all things are possible. And so, before I knew it, my summer was booked for trips to the unknown lands of Bolivia and Montana!</div>
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I cannot begin to recount all that happened on these trips,but God certainly proved faithful and taught me more than I knew was possible in two short months. </div>
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One of the first things I noticed was how very much I had to learn!! Pastor Bruce, with Montana Indian Ministries, taught us the word<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i>hubris</i>, which is arrogant pride. This pride is not always obvious, but it is detrimental to ministry. Hubris is walking into a situation just knowing that your way is best and all other methods must be cringed at and criticized. While we should always use Biblical discernment, I was amazed and horrified at how much prejudice I carried with me into these trips. I always thought I had an open heart and mind, but my trip to Bolivia especially revealed that this was not the case. After getting there, I realized that I had gone there to teach them about God. After all, they must need those lessons desperately! Instead, I was daily humbled by their deep understanding of the Scriptures and the character of God. God is alive and working in His church--His body--all across the world. He is not limited by culture, race, language, or economic status. I quickly realized that I was the one in need of a fresh perspective on God and the Gospel. </div>
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He taught me that following Him is always worth it. Sometimes, following God means that we will endure suffering and hardship, loneliness or boredom. But those times are valuable, too. They help us to see what a blessing the good times really are. They teach us patience, wisdom, and daily trust. They equip us to reach out and connect with people who experience similar struggles. But most of all, following God is worth it because it makes Him happy! Obedience does not, and cannot, make God love us any more...but I believe it makes His heart smile :) After all that God has done for me out of Him simply being Who He is, it is the greatest joy to know I am able to make my Father proud. Even if obedience brings temporary suffering, I have found that any cost is worth my heart being at peace with the One who created it. His grace is sufficient. His presence is guaranteed.</div>
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During these trips, it has become clear to me that going into ministry is something I'm supposed to do. As we step out in obedience--whether it is a shuffle or a great leap--God teaches us and solidifies things He has been telling us through His Word. For the first time in my life, there is a very real desire to make Him known. To be known for loving God and loving people. Before this summer, I would have said those were desires of mine...but action was lacking. When it came down to the moment, I rarely stepped out boldly and unashamedly for Christ because I was more concerned about being rejected. Now, there is nothing I desire more than for others to be given the opportunity to know and love God. This is more than salvation. While it starts there, no doubt, my heart has a deep desire for believers to become disciples. For the saved to step into the fire and allow God to shape their hearts and change their lives. </div>
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I've realized, too, that ministry is loving God and loving people. Without a love for God, all of the service is meaningless; it provides mere temporary help where an eternal difference is needed. Love also goes beyond knowledge. God Himself reminds us that it is our hearts He desires, not our religious acts. Loving God is seeking, desiring, and following Him--not simply knowing about Him. Once love of and for God has left its mark, we should love people and share Christ with them. If a man finds a treasure which is only multiplied when shared, what good has it done him to keep it from his neighbors in need? Knowing and loving God is personal, but it was never intended to be private. </div>
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In order to know and love God, prayer and reading Scripture are crucial. These are far too often neglected in my own life. My trip to Bolivia gave me a brand new appreciation and desire for spending time talking to God and reading His Word. My trip to Montana showed me again how much more I should value prayer, yet business and exhaustion usually filled my quiet times. At the end of my trip, I looked back in amazement at how much God had done, and yet I had to ask myself, "How much more could I have seen God do had I made time in prayer and the Bible a priority?" </div>
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Another thing: we were not designed to go alone. Jesus called and sent people two-by-two. Even when God and Adam walked in the garden together, God knew that Adam needed a human partner. So He graciously provided Eve. Ministry is tough. It can be tiring and challenging and frustrating, even in the midst of the blessing. This summer, God provided me with so many people to serve with. We were able to bounce ideas off each other and pull through when the going got tough. There was sweat, and laughter, and tears. We shared our hurts and short-comings. We rejoiced and laughed together as I have not laughed in a long time! Human relationships are so important to ministry in the way that they build us up and are a visual of Christ's love to those we serve. Take a look around. Thank God for the ministry partners He has placed in your life, and pray for provision where there is a need. If there is a need you know you are supposed to fill, do it! The body only functions to its full ability when all the parts are working together. </div>
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This is most of our awesome Team Bolivia, including some of the people we met there!</div>
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From left to right: Pastor Bruce, Carrie, me, Sande (Bruce's wife), and Miss Carol (a ministry partner of theirs in the summer months)</div>
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My cousin, Carrie, got to join me for my month in Montana. While many other wonderful people came and went during that month, her friendship proved as faithful as ever! I could not have asked for a better partner in ministry...and occasional crime ;) </div>
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And here's where scrubbin' toilets comes into play. While in Montana, I got to scrub several toilets. One day in particular, they seemed to just keep coming. Well, as I moved on to yet another, my attitude stunk worse than the toilets I was cleaning! And then it hit me: how dare I question and complain when God has clearly set a task before me?? We spend so much of our lives just wishing and hoping and praying that God will give us clear direction! That He will come out and tell us--if even for one day--what we are supposed to do. That day, God answered my prayer for direction. He had clearly brought me to Montana, and I was clearly needed to fill the role of Toilet Scrubber Extraordinaire. Yet...I was discontent. I wanted recognition. I wanted someone to talk to. I wanted to be doing BIG things for God!! ...Or at least fun things.... But that day, I realized how ridiculous all those things are. Jesus Christ left Heaven to dwell among sinners and spend His last hours being beaten, spit on, ridiculed, and rejected by the very people He was dying for. And I couldn't handle a few hours cleaning bathrooms...? In His oh-so-gentle-and-yet-blunt way, God was teaching me another lesson. It doesn't matter what I am doing. If I am doing it for God, with a heart of thanksgiving and praise, it is a task worthwhile. And, if I will not do the smallest tasks in this manner, then what makes me think I am ready to give my life to the Lord for His use? That day, it became very clear to me that God was being gracious in using "the little things" to train me for the lifetime I have committed to Him. In giving me a day of scrubbin' toilets, God was gently preparing me to spend my life joyfully serving Him--no matter the task!--so that other people may know Him. </div>
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Finally, life is full of joy and blessings!! Some days, we must work a little harder to find them. But I sure am thankful for another opportunity! I believe the moments of peace and laughter are just a glimpse of Heaven...God's reminders to hang in there another day as we thank Him for this life and look forward to our eternal one. Each day is a gift. Each moment is an opportunity to grow closer to our Lord and Savior. Each person we meet is a chance to let all that Christ has done in our lives unashamedly overflow. </div>
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So why wait to Go?? Wake up. Give your day to God. Love Jesus. Love people. It's what we were made to do :) </div>
Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-41888789747380528822014-03-23T22:53:00.000-07:002014-03-23T23:09:52.441-07:00Spring Cleaning, Please! ...The change of seasons always makes me restless....<br />
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We've been visited by a handful of warm days here in Virginia, and let me tell you, the restlessness is in full swing!<br />
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~I'm ready to trade in ~<br />
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Sweaters for sunscreen<br />
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seat warmers for a motorcycle ride<br />
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boots for bare feet<br />
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school work for mission's work<br />
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hot chocolate for iced tea--sweet, of course!<br />
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trips to the gym for treks through the woods<br />
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a cozy night in for a night out around a campfire...<br />
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I can't wait for free time, and baseball games, and vacations, and open windows on a muddy back road with the country music turned up, and staying up late without worrying about having to get up in the morning.<br />
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...An old, worn-out chapter for a new, fresh one! <br />
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I've found, over the past several years, that I become discontent and discouraged far too easily this time of the year because I'm just dying to move on to the next thing! Unfortunately, I've also found that it's during these times that I end up wasting hours reminiscing or dreaming rather than acting...which makes me fall behind in my work, which makes me stressed out, which makes me very unpleasant to be around, which discourages me even further, which...oh dear, it's a vicious cycle! One that's not unmanageable...just... difficult to break at times. I guess this whole time management thing is something the Lord and I still have to work on. And, yes, I do believe the Lord is very interested in how I spend my time. After all, it's not <i>really</i> mine. He's simply letting me borrow a bit of His :) Who am I to waste it scrolling through status updates I don't really want to read or sitting around, worrying about something that's out of my control? I think He would be much more pleased by me buckling down and getting work done so that I can enjoy the final few weeks of this semester.<br />
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Which brings me to another point. Where on earth has this semester gone?!?! I'm freaking out a bit over here. My life is almost over!! Ok, that's a bit dramatic (as far as I know), but seriously. This semester is more than half over. And when this semester is over, I'm half done with <i>college</i>. And then...well, then real life begins, and I'm quite aware of the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing after this!! Student teaching is only three full semesters away, and I could go anywhere for that. So where?! (Personally, I'm leaning towards somewhere along the coast so I can complete a day at school, tutor a few kiddos--whom I will absolutely adore (most days) and cannot wait to meet--in a after school program, make myself a nice little dinner in a cute little apartment, then go grade a few papers on the beach. Why not dream big, right?!)<br />
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Then that leads me back to that whole who-will-my-man-be-and-when-will we-be-<i>us</i> question, which I have to daily hand back to the Lord, it seems. Some days I really wish he would show up and speak up, already. That would be so convenient! You see, I've always been one of those girls who just knew I'd follow my man where ever the Lord leads him. Naturally, I was also sure that we would be quite established by the time my student teaching rolled around, so I would find a school where ever he was at. Now that none of that is quite so certain, my options are much less limited! Which isn't all bad, but it is also overwhelming and a bit frightening...because how do I plan my student teaching when I have no clue what will or will not change over the next year and a half?? And how, in the meantime, do I manage friendships with guys so that my heart is ready for that one when he does come along? What, exactly, does honoring God look like right now when it comes to Boys? Who should I pour the most time and energy into? <i>When will the questions receive answers so that I can quit feeling like a middle schooler who just needs to sit back and realize that this one moment in life is not the end-all? </i><br />
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And sometimes all of this makes me wish I could pick up the phone and have a chat with Mom. Not that I don't enjoy/appreciate/gain from conversations with others, but...it's still not the same. <br />
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You see my dilemma here? These are the things my mind gravitates towards, instead of focusing on the math class that I absolutely cannot wait to be done with. <br />
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And yet...I do know one thing that will absolutely never change. My Rock will not be moved. Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of the heavenly lights, Who does not change like the shifting shadows. I draw so much strength and patience from this promise in James 1:17. No matter which friendships, job opportunities, classes, and plans come or go, I have the assurance that the One who is waiting to help me discover it all is 100% faithful and true. His character remains the same forever and always. <br />
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So tonight, I must pray a prayer of repentance. I have developed habits of worry, idols of my own fleeting plans and abilities, and priorities of worldly goals and perfection. I have been more concerned with my Christian checklist than with spending time getting to know my Father.<br />
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And I get to pray a prayer of thanksgiving. To a God Who just is Who He is. He is my refuge and strength, my joy and my salvation, my protector. He is the giver of all and the guide of the hours that lay ahead of me. He is enough for this fragile heart and easily-distracted mind. He is God. I am His. And He is mine.<br />
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...Which means, I don't even have to have answers to have peace. Peace and rest, I've learned, lay within God Himself, not the things of God. It's time I trust and rest in His character and love as I allow Him to rid my life of the junk that's built up over this past winter. It's time to let God do a little spring cleaning in the depths of my heart, tossing out the old, and refreshing who I am with all that He is. <br />
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This process could be a doosey! So I'd love some company. After all, it wouldn't be true spring cleaning if all the siblings weren't involved, too :)<br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-34747869840320017172014-01-01T23:31:00.002-08:002014-01-01T23:31:57.826-08:002014 and Forevermore......This year, I want to have a healthy heart. Sure, I want the anatomical heart within me to be in good shape! But I want the very heartbeat of who I am to be as it should, too. I want this to be a year of growth--of getting to know God and of becoming the me He desires. I want beauty to mark each page I turn, each trail I blaze, each moment of healing through surrender and submission.<br />
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So here's to another year of becoming me as I live for Him! <br />
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This year, I want to make it a habit to... <br />
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<b>Create.</b> <br />
Paint. Draw. Cook. Write.<br />
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<b>Be Inspired.</b><br />
Dream. Hope. Travel. Meet people. Read. <br />
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<b>Live with joy, not just happiness.</b><br />
Laugh. Seek the good. Count my blessings. Remember God's sovereignty. Let go of my dreams to embrace His plan. <br />
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<b>Love sincerely. </b><br />
Reach out to the lost and broken. See others as a blessing. Spend time with friends. Encourage strangers. Invest in the next generation. Serve wholeheartedly. Listen. Catch up with the family more often. <br />
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<b>Be Teachable.</b><br />
Learn from others. Have a good attitude. Keep an open mind. But always remember the Truth.<br />
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<b>Be Productive.</b><br />
Organize and put away my messes. Retreat from the chaos and spend time with God. Get some exercise. Complete my school work. Make someone's day. <br />
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<b>Pursue Health. </b> <br />
Stay active. Eat well. Be outside. Drink more water. Remember: Everything in moderation.<br />
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<b>Capture the moment. </b><br />
Make memories. Take pictures. Journal it. Enjoy the little things. Try something new. <br />
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<b>Set My Priorities Straight.</b><br />
Get to know God. Put Him first. Read His word. Pray often. Value His opinion over the world's. Act upon convictions and Truth.<br />
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<b>Take it One Step at a Time. </b><br />
Hang in there. Take a deep breath. Cry. Step away from it. Remember the Big Picture. Smile with the memories. Accept the future. Trust my Father. <br />
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<b>Relax.</b><br />
Take the long way home. Do a puzzle. Listen to some good music. Spill my guts to God. Hear the rain. Soak in some sunshine. Feel the wind on my face. Make time for fellowship. <br />
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<b>Be a Woman of God. </b><br />
Embrace and Embody: gentleness, kindness, forgiveness, wisdom, humility, thankfulness, compassion, patience, and peace (Colossians 3:12-17), dignity, hospitality, discipline, purity, victory, perseverance, generosity, repentance, strength, and freedom.<br />
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I guess I got a little carried away! But it's a lot of good stuff--ways to remember that the bad days
aren't so bad after all. They're just helping me remain teachable ;) Besides, life gets complicated. Why not have options? This will give God and me plenty to work with as we go through this next year!<br />
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No doubt, our days here get confusing and overwhelming and are always changing. But they're wonderful. Each one truly is a gift, and, while I look forward to the perfection that awaits in Heaven, I'm grateful that I'm given the chance to live this earthly life. <br />
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May 2014 give us a greater love for one another and draw us ever-nearer to Him. <br />
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<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-80692017140100678562013-12-25T22:24:00.002-08:002013-12-25T22:24:41.518-08:00Finding HopeIt's hard to believe another year has almost come and gone. Another calendar year, and, for our family, another year without Mom and Dad. <br />
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Some days, the victory of making it through another day--another moment--is exciting enough. The holidays still brought an extra twinge of pain, a few extra tugs on our heart strings, and a sharper awareness of what we no longer have. I still thought of how strange it must look for Chase, Jordan, and me to be road tripping to Indiana without parents along. Opening presents without Mom and Dad just didn't feel right. The dinner table, though packed elbow-to-elbow, was a few elbows short of full. I can tell I'm a little less patient and a little more tired than I have been in a while. The loss is still great, and still real...but God really is so much greater. Tonight, God reminds me that His grace has brought us so far beyond just being "okay." <br />
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This past year has been quite the discovery process. I've learned that sometimes God strips away what we always thought provided our hope and joy and security to show us that He is the only sufficient One. In His grace, He has gently shown me how adulteress my heart is so that I am beginning to cling more tightly to my true Provider rather than running to temporary fixes. God is slowly, patiently, faithfully revealing to me the fact that the things I chase and long for in this world--even good things!--are simply not Him. <br />
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He alone reigns forever. His love and grace, faithfulness and provision, joy and hope are infallible. <br />
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So this Christmas season, the reality of loss is still inevitable, but the power of hope is stronger than the pain. <br />
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Tonight, as we opened Christmas presents, I received an ornament that was a cute little teddy bear holding a sign that simply says, "Hope." I smiled, and Aunt Beth leaned towards me and said, "I got you that because I've seen you really seeking out that hope this past year." <br />
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Hope. Hope brings encouragement and the will--no, the desire--to go on. "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf." (Hebrews 6:19-20). So hope and Christmas go hand-in-hand. <br />
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Our God in His kindness decided He didn't want us to have to spend eternity away from Him as we deserve. And so, the Christ child Jesus was born. In the form of a baby, so small and dependent, God delivered the most thought-out, enduring, powerful gift He could have given. He brought us a Savior. The gift is there, and though we don't deserve it, God longs for us to chose to open and embrace the gift of His Son. <br />
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So I have hope. And I'm realizing how much more lengthy my "Thankful-for List" is than my "Wish List." Each day, God reminds me to trust Him through my insecurities and to look for the blessings He's planted. There really is power in counting blessings! <br />
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This Christmas night, here is part of "My Thanks-A-Million List" <br />
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1. I am a child of the King, placed here for a reason. He promises to never abandon me as He helps me discover and fall into that plan. <br />
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2. I have true friends who love and support me.<br />
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3. The Lord grabbed the hearts of my grandparents, and they became first-generation believers. Since then, they have not been perfect. But they have remained faithful and, after 91 years, continue to enjoy life as they pray and seek the will of God. Their choices have made all the difference in the lives of our family members. I don't want to imagine what the process of grieving the death of Mom and Dad would have looked like without their faith showering years of prayers and wisdom on us. <br />
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4. I have a warm bed, new Josh Turner CD's :) , and yummy food to enjoy on this rather chilly night. <br />
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5. My family, though crazy and sometimes a bit much to handle, brings so much laughter, joy, and good goofy memories into my life. <br />
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6. God promises to have my back and go ahead of me as I step into whatever new adventures He has in store.<br />
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Yes. Tonight, I'm thankful for hope. Because who wants to go through life in fear? I've tried that route, too, and I don't recommend it. <br />
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My Christmas prayer is that God would become so undeniably real to the widows, the fatherless, and the broken-hearted. I pray for strength, peace, and joy for those who aren't able to be with their families over the holidays. Whether a loved one has gone Home, was a no-show to start with, or has chosen to go so they can defend the freedom of loved ones left behind, my heart goes out to the lonely and hurting hearts this season in a way it never has. <br />
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The beauty of hope lies in its reality and availability. Don't lose heart when hope seems out of sight. Give yourself some grace, make the choice to keep seeking and taking hold of God's glorious promises, and know you are loved. May hope in our eternal God restore your weary spirit and bring a special depth to the joy that already exists.<br />
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Merry Christmas, everyone. :) <br />
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Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-52626399189742935832013-12-02T21:48:00.000-08:002013-12-03T06:49:13.525-08:00Beyond Contentment I usually avoid posts about relationships and self-image and all that, for several reasons, really. One of those reasons is that there are sooo many of them!! Post after post is about one more person's opinion or status in the whole matter. I think the reason for this is because God created us to be in intimate relationships, and our world is so thirsty for the commitment and life-long love that many believe is only a fairy tale these days. But that's a big ol' soap box for a whole other day. :) The other reason is 'cause it just makes me feel silly and a bit uncomfortable. I've always been a hopeless romantic, but I've never really liked to flaunt that side of me. I like being independent. I don't want to come across as desperate. And most of all, I guess there's a part of me that thinks, "If you avoid displaying the subject, it'll go away."<br />
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Yet here I am, about to share my heart on some of my most personal thoughts that may seem to contradict those above statements. You should know in advance that I only share this post to be real with you and myself. Life is a crazy ride. And let's be honest, for most of us girls, this relationship/self-image stuff is not something easily avoided. It's the stuff we either broadcast or hide and try to deny. It'll drive us crazy, yet there seems to be no lasting remedy. So, if you get confused, it's alright--join the club! :) <br />
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Most of you know I dated a guy, kind of off and on for the past two summers, but we officially ended it before starting school this fall. Our time spent together was great! I learned so very much about God and His love through Jason. I learned about the hope that was still available to me. I also learned about parts of me that I'm not so fond of...they say relationships will do that, you know. Our relationship was a blessing, but it was only intended to last for a season. It became clear to us both that that season was up, so we parted with a hug, grateful for the time we'd spent together, yet knowing that God must have someone else in store for us somewhere down the road. <br />
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So down the road I've gone. Needless to say, some days have been better than others. <br />
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On my best days, I'm so grateful that I'm single!! I love looking forward to the adventures I'll get to take without trying to schedule around some guy's life. I look forward to sister dates when I'm home over breaks. I have no problem dwelling in the love and presence of Jesus Christ so that I can get to know Him better. Those moments are great--so full of joy and contentment. I find myself thankful just to be alive and to go out into the world to discover another part of the woman God intends for me to be. On these days, sure, guys are alright, but singleness...that's where it's at! Not 'cause guys are overrated, but because each day is a blessing in itself, and I don't need a significant other to be fully aware of that fact. <br />
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However, other moments are not so full of sunshine and flowers. Sometimes, Satan attacks with gloom and doom thoughts, and I let him win. At my worst, I'm left insecure, doubting that who I am is anything significant or lovely. I become fearful of the future and wonder if I'll ever find that man I'll get to call mine. Or even worse than never finding one (girl translation: being chosen by one who I want, with all of my heart, to say "yes!!" to), what if I accidently pick the wrong one?! Or what if I'm left with someone who's alright, buuuut, you know.... Or what if who I am is simply incapable of attracting the type of man I want?? And then I turn right around and question the very person I see in the mirror. I wonder if my lack of being asked on a single date is my personality or my looks or maybe my laugh or my interests or outfits or this or that or blah, blah, blah.... And I just get sick of it all! <br />
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So then, I do my best to reign it all back in rather than staying in a place where loneliness and doubts seem to rule. God has taught me a lot about how to handle these moments, and I'd love to share them if you don't mind reading through them :) <br />
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<ul>
<li>Sometimes the greatest comfort comes from reminding myself that this life isn't about me, anyway! Rather than that being one more depressing thought, it is so very freeing! My very existence is not about my own glory. I am here to please God, not man. I am here to reflect God and to remind the world that His greater plan is why we're here on earth. I was born to show the world how very beautiful God's story of redemption is, rather than on spending all my energy trying to measure up to an impossible standard of outward beauty. So, if some people think I look alright, you know I'll gladly take it :) But that's not where it ends. Even on bad hair days, or those days when not a bloomin' thing in the closet is workin', I can shine like the stars by focusing on my heart. When I just don't feel pretty, I remember that it's a gentle and quiet spirit that make God's heart smile. It's genuine love for those around me that creates the most attraction. <em>It's the fact that I am created in His image and by His plan that makes me drop-dead-gorgeous, able to face the world with confidence, and more precious and desirable than I could ever imagine.</em> Am I pouring out the love and blessings He's given me, or am letting the significance of them evaporate before I let myself be used by God? Am I letting my insecurities cloak God's majesty? </li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>I remind myself that I'd rather be single than dating the wrong guy or missing out on the mission God has for me on this day. </li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>I tell myself to just suck it up and smile because I am a daughter of the King, fully known and deeply desired. Nothing else compares to that.</li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>I find comfort in the fact that there is no one "right" type of woman. I recently thought of all the women who have made the biggest impact on my life, and I was blown away by how different each one is. Some are servants, others are leaders. Some speak softly while others struggle to use that filter. They have chosen to do so many different things with their lives, and, of course, they all look entirely different. But there's not one of them that I would hesitate to call absolutely stunning. My favorite thing about each one is that she has a deep love for the Lord and for the people around her. So that's my goal. To be a lady who is encouraging and lets the next generation know that Hollywood's standards are not the goal. The goal is to be content in who and how God has made us. But let's not stop at contentment. Let's embrace the choices God made while designing us so that we allow ourselves to be a blessing rather than hiding behind insecurities. </li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>When all of this is weighing heavy on my mind, I have committed to praying for my future husband rather than worrying about the logistics of when and how we'll meet and who he may be. </li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>Lately, God smacked me with one of those "Oh, duh!" type of thoughts that has become a favorite. As we (God and I) were walking along one evening, I realized that I was so scared I would never be able to make a man happy. I get scared that every guy will lose interest or get bored because I'm really just a simple girl who finds the most excitement in living daily life with the people who mean the most to me. So God addressed this, too. I've always known that no guy is flawless, so I must look to God as my primary source of completion and perfection. Well guess what? The guy is supposed to do the same thing! I'm scared I won't be enough, because I won't be. It's that simple. And that is why it is crucial that our men love God above themselves, and especially above us. If we unmarried women ever become priority number one, we'd better get out 'cause it can only go downhill from there! It will be my job to support and respect my man in a way that makes him want to be all that he can be, but it will never be my job to make that happen or to be his primary source of satisfaction. God must already have that place in his heart. </li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>Returning to scripture is always a good thing, too! That book holds so many beautiful promises of joy, laughter, better days, and a hand to hold when the going gets tough. </li>
</ul>
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Nothing makes me more excited than seeing a man who adores his woman while she stands behind him and helps him chase his dreams. No doubt, I still look forward to committing myself to a warrior of God who will cherish me and pursue me for the rest of our lives together. My hearts desire, cliché as it sounds, is to be a wife and a mother. So, God is gently showing me how to become that woman. He reminds me that these days are not just meant to be spent waiting for Mr. Right to snatch me up! Each waking moment is an opportunity to go hard after God and to embrace the simple blessings He sends me. I get to use this time to become the Biblical woman I want my Prince to fall for, and I get to spend extra time getting to know the Godly women God has placed in my life. <br />
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Of course, it never hurts to remember that when Prince Charming finally crashes our #foreveralone party, we will be so glad that we're not busy dancing with a dud :) Yet we are His daughters, designed to recognize the adventure in each and every day. Let's not spend so much time worrying about how we get to the next step that we miss out on the music God has playing for us right now. As women, we are called to a beauty that runs so much deeper than the perfect figure, hairstyle, outfit, or complexion. The beauty we should seek is the joy that brightens a smile and the love that brings comfort to an embrace. May we trust His perfect timing as we laugh, cry, twirl, and crawl our way along the path He has set before us this very day. <br />
<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-40493953948436993002013-08-23T18:07:00.001-07:002013-08-23T18:07:20.455-07:00Freely Dancing Wow, a lot has happened since I last blogged! The oldest is now happily married. My brother and I are back at Liberty University--"the largest Christian university in the world!" And the little sister is conquering her sophomore year of high school. My summer was spent teaching Bible School, taking two online classes, watching as the oldest officially left the nest, dating, and working some at a darling antique/gift store called the Rug Cottage. But more importantly, I spent the summer healing. I let God love on me, and the ways He has freed my heart since I last blogged are indescribable. <br />
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My life is no walk on the beach, but as we vacationed at Myrtle Beach this summer, I took a walk on the beach that felt much like watching different scenes from my life. Let's see if I can help you see it, too....<br />
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As I walked along and observed, my heart was warmed by the memories of what I had and torn by what I no longer do. I saw a middle-aged couple walking the shoreline, hand-in-hand, their steps in perfect unison. I saw a little girl squealing as she ran full-speed into the open arms of her daddy, her hero. I saw families--moms and dads and brothers and sisters--scrambling to get that family picture that's bound to end up on this year's Christmas card. <br />
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In the midst of these images that still come with such mixed emotions some days, I saw the most perfect display of God's splendor.<br />
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The air was warm and salty; a breeze was blowing off the ocean as it always does during the last couple hours of daylight. The sun was setting, splashing warm colors across the clouds that dotted the horizon...that endless horizon where the water meets the sky and nothing stands between the power of the ocean and the glory of the heavens. As the night wore on, the almost-full moon rose as the sun set, creating a silver lining on every cloud. Those clouds would pass in front of the moon, but they were so transparent and the moon was so bright that its light wasn't dimmed one bit. They reminded me that no problem I face should be allowed to steal the glory and warmth of God and His love. May He always shine through. This is what I've been learning most of all. <br />
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No matter what I'm going through, God is bigger. God is greater. <br />
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Here at school, we have convocation three times a week. During this hour, we worship through song and prayer and are given the opportunity to listen to some of the Christian world's most influential men and women. The other day, we sang Meredith Andrew's "Not for a Moment (After All)." One part of the lyrics says "I was held in Your arms, carried for a thousand miles to show not for a moment did You forsake me." Wow. Is that ever true. This line brought me to the poem, "Footprints," that many of you are familiar with. In this poem, God tells man that the times when it looks as if we've been abandoned are actually the times when God remains the closest...that He lovingly carries us in His arms. <br />
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While those I know tell me how strong I am, the truth of the matter is that this journey since losing Mom and Dad has been a long and bitter struggle. Too many days, I've lost the battle and given in to fears of the future and accidents, the confusion, and the loss of a sense of identity. I've faced the realization that maybe I'm not as kind-hearted as I always thought...maybe my heart needs a make-over so I can stop playing the part of the perfect pastor's daughter and start embracing the challenges we all must face to look more like our Lord. Challenges like loving sincerely and being willing to associate with those we wouldn't usually been drawn to. I've been learning to love the simple, country-loving girl I am because of how I was raised and who God has called me to be. I've been learning...always learning. And many of the lessons have hurt, but every one of them has drawn me closer to God and brought me deeper peace, security, and a sense of worth even as I realize that I am nothing. He is everything. <br />
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You see, nothing will ever last except for the Creator of it all. So I've discovered that the secret to feeling the best about myself and my circumstances is to accept the truth that somehow God has chosen to personally know little ol' me. He knows my name, and He calls me by it. I never thought that was a huge deal until I thought back to the days of having a crush on that cute football player at school and being totally astonished when he said "Hi," and then said my name!! He knew my name!!! Any of you ladies remember that feeling? Like for some reason you were suddenly significant and the world was right because <em>he knew your name</em>, and he called you by that name. God says that's just what He's done. He's called us by name, and He knows our most intimate fears and insecurities and questions and hopes and dreams. He knows how we long to love and be loved, and He offers that to us. With a deep jealousy, He watches us turn from man to unsatisfying man, from magazine to store to mirror, for what only He can give. But when we finally come...blemishes and all--no makeup or brand names to cover up with--He accepts us. And then He keeps on wanting us for all eternity. If that's not good news, I don't know what is. <br />
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This walk has not been an easy one, but it has been so very rewarding. With His time, patience, grace, and a whole lotta love, God has pursued me relentlessly. He has carried me for a thousand long miles and reminded me daily of who He is so that I may trust Him. And as I've learned to let go of me while holding on to Him, He has let His blood wash over me and make me clean. He has let His peace settle deep within my soul so that I may rest. He has let His love cradle my broken heart while He's gently rearranged the pieces to make me complete and lovely. He has been my everything even on days when I struggled to believe that He is relevant and able. And I'm so grateful to Him for that! <br />
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He has romanced me and made me free. He has given me permission to laugh and carry on and dance barefoot through the rain. He knows my heart and speaks directly to it. And this is what He desires for you. <br />
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We all face hard days, and we're all different. But the God who never changes will deal with your heart as it needs to be dealt with. He knows you and loves you with a depth that's beyond what you or I could ever imagine. <br />
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Will we take His hand and jump in, or will we promise to call Him back later and then "forget"...again? Life is so much better when we go with the first option! God is an excellent dance partner, and no matter how many times we step on His toes, He'll keep on asking us to dance. So let's dance! Let's laugh and love and twirl and giggle with excitement as we get to know the freeing love of God the Father, the composer of our song, and the care-taker of our hearts. <br />
<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-58308072724181590702013-04-01T19:33:00.001-07:002015-12-08T20:43:15.221-08:00Your Happy Home[The following is my "parenting book," so this post is quite long. While I obviously think all of the things in it are wonderful, your family is your own, and you must decide what works best for you. It's also a bit of a skeleton, simply creating the support structure for the way my home was run growing up. If you have questions, I'd love to take the time to answer them! Mom and Dad did so much to make our home what it was, and I would love nothing more than for other people to experience home as I did.] <br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">On February 4, 2012, life changed for the happy preacher’s
family living in small-town Iowa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
family—my family—suddenly changed when the slippery road, and I suppose the
will of our Sustainer, took the lives of the two people our family was built
upon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a few hazy hours, both Mom and
Dad were gone, and life just kept going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not as it always had, but it’s going nonetheless. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The oldest of us four siblings will be getting married to a
wonderful man of God in a few short months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m now a freshman at Liberty University, studying to be an elementary
teacher.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only boy in the midst of
three girls was crowned homecoming king and continues to develop a love and
talent for all things outdoors—something our father instilled in us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the youngest is taking on her high
school years, bravely conquering her freshman year and Driver’s Ed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">We are all at different places in our young lives, but one
thing still holds true for all four of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We are still aware of, and daily claiming the truth that, God is
sovereign, all-knowing, and good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
had several people ask how it was Mom and Dad raised such good kids, so strong
in their faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The following is the heart
of Mom and Dad and their ministry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
all the secrets and tips I can think of for how they raised us as they
did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are no secret formulas. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No research was involved. If there is any
plagiarism, I’m truly sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
just what I remember, what I’ve reflected upon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is how they turned our house into a home, not perfect, but daily
striving for improvement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was their
dream of how every child would be brought up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>From their heart, to mine, to yours, the following is a young lady’s guide
to raising children who will love and respect people, life, and most
importantly their Lord. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Relationships and priorities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every home is built upon these two things,
and the two must go hand-in-hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s
how:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Love
God. Love your spouse. Love your children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In that order. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">If you remember nothing else, remember that those three
things, in that order, were the foundation of our happy home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They turned us, biologically related yet
totally different, into more than just a group of people living under the same
roof.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They made us a family in the
truest sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s what this is
all about: family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose this is one
formula you’ll find in here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If those
three things are taken out of order, you might as well disregard the rest of
this “book.” Granted, people rearrange them all the time, and sometimes great
children come from those homes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
imagine if the order was correct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the
order <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> correct, that’s not a
guarantee to anything, but it’s the best place to start. Now, I’d like to take
a moment to dig a bit deeper into each of those three things, as they were
modeled and “preached” in our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Love God. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The paraphrase of Matthew 6:33 that I heard countless times
went like this: “Seek first His kingdom, and His righteousness, and He’ll take
care of the rest.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was the
principle Mom and Dad taught and lived out every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember walking up the stairs every
morning to find Mom sitting on the couch with her hot tea and Bible, preparing
herself for the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad would often slip
away, especially on long vacations, to journal, pray, and read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daily quality time with God, one-on-one, was
emphasized in both word and deed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
were taught that, just like any other relationship, our relationship with God
won’t grow or become personal unless we put effort into it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That didn’t mean salvation by works—quite the
opposite!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Spending time with God in His
word lets us really see His grace and His good desire for our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without that, what’s the purpose to this life
we’re living? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Apart from reading the Bible, we learn the most about God
through prayer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was always made clear
that prayer is not just a ritual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a
time in which we open our hearts to God and reverently listen for that “still
small voice.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We thank Him and express
fears and doubts, we jabber on about our days and we listen quietly, we ask for
forgiveness and humbly accept the grace and strength He grants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talk out loud, write it down—whatever it
takes to lay it all at His feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s in
those times of surrendering to God and laying our lives before Him that we
become vulnerable enough for Him to grab ahold of us and change us from the
inside out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">These changes make us look more and more like Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the same time, spending all that time with
Him makes Him easier and easier to identify and pick out of the crowd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Much of loving God is about knowing Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember Dad giving the following example—or
something like it—while talking to the youth group about knowing when it’s God
trying to get our attention:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Think
of a time you were in a store with your parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’re anything like my kids, you managed
to wander off and lose them for a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When we’re younger and that happens, we feel the panic set in because
our security is suddenly gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, you
start frantically moving through the store, but you just get more and more
lost, and just as you think you’re going to lose your own mind, you hear that
whistle you know so well, rising above all the other voices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe it’s that name that only your
parents call you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God does the same
thing when we get off track, calling us as individuals to return to His side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a time, it seems like He’s gone, but if
you listen, you’ll always hear His voice above the rest of the noise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we’re wise, we’ll return to our Security
instead of trying to tough it out on our own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ultimately, the choice is yours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Don’t purposely ignore God, run in the opposite direction, and then
shake your fist at Him when it’s closing time and you can’t hear His voice
anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Respond with humility and
thankfulness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Run back to Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talk with Him, and get to know Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’ll make things much easier the next time
you head to the outdoor section when He’s clearly told you to go towards the
formal evening wear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">We were also taught much about trusting God in His sovereignty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This didn’t mean life was always easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It didn’t mean we always had to like what we
were going through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just meant trust
God, no matter what.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a time, Dad’s
theme was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">God on His Throne</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know how many times within that short
phase I heard him tell about different people in the Bible who’d seen visions
of heaven, and every time, God was right where He belonged: ruling on His
throne.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Isaiah saw a vision, and in it,
the Lord was seated on His throne in glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And guess where God’s at at the very end?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still on His throne.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Folks, God hasn’t moved, and He doesn’t
intend to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even today, in the midst of
whatever you’re going through, God is ruling, still His throne.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I could go on and on, but the underlying principle is
here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your children must know that your
faith is not your parents, your spouses, or theirs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You faith is your own, uniquely grown and
cultivated, and theirs must be too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God
is not just the boss, Santa Clause, or the best friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While He takes on all those roles at some
point, He is infinitely more than that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is beyond our comprehension, yet revealing Himself to us daily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is all around us, working in our lives
even when we’re blind to what He’s doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is our everything and deserves everything we have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our character, priorities, possessions,
thoughts, attitudes, and deeds should all be given back to Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In releasing the things that matter most, we
are able to become like Him and instill in those around us what it is to not
just know about God, but rather, to know God Himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Love your spouse. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’ll never forget the first time I heard Dad telling us that
he and Mom promised early on to never make each other their first
priority.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was shocked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn’t that what a husband and wife are
supposed to do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn’t that what they’d
been showing us since the day we were born?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In their wisdom and love for God, that promise had been made to make
sure the Author of their love story always occupied the number one spot on
their priorities list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was then made
quite clear that they loved each of us children more than words could express,
but their commitment to each other came first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They had made a promise to each other, before God, and they intended to
keep it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As long as they both did
live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">My dad loved my mom, and my mom loved my dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was so obvious to us four kids!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was so obviously displayed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Dad was a charmer, but an honest one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would often stop Mom in the middle of the
kitchen, pull her close, and kiss her, always with the reminder that “kids feel
secure when their parents kiss in front of them.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He called her “Foxy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He held her hand and started the car for her
on cold days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He took us to restaurants
she liked, even if the rest of us weren’t especially excited about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He planned vacations to spots she would
enjoy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He praised her often and gave her
credit for the role she filled in our home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He recognized her hard work and encouraged us to pitch in when she was
especially tired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He cherished her and
never took her for granted. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Mom was a jewel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad
didn’t just call her that because it went along with her name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She woke early to pack his lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smiled through all of his bad jokes and
even his crazy moments that I’m sure were nearly mortifying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She cleaned up after him and knew exactly
where he’d put that “lost” item.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
made real mashed potatoes because he didn’t like the boxed ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She learned how to clean pheasants and put up
with the many dogs they had through the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She’d follow him anywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She supported
him and gave him utmost respect no matter what.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">They worked as a team.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was adventurous, and she was consistent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His presence was always made known, and she
was usually in the back corner talking to the one who’d had a rough day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He got all worked up, and she looked at the
matter at hand with complete logic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Most couples have things that confirm the statement
“Opposites attract.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While the
differences listed weren’t things they chose, what they did with those
differences was a choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moment by
moment, they chose to honor and appreciate the things they saw that were so
unlike themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you really want to
love your spouse, try adoring the qualities you see in them that are so unlike
yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of being jealous
and/or frustrated, thank God for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Take the time you need to get to know your spouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Know what makes them smile and hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be aware of the things they like and don’t
like, and act on that knowledge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Celebrate each other as individuals, and embrace yourselves as a
couple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Even with the conscious decision to be thankful for the
differences, you will run into conflict.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ideas will clash, and feelings will be hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many times, I heard Dad talk about the
promise Mom and Dad made to each other to never go to bed angry at each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If he had acted unkindly to her in our
presence, he would also apologize to her in front of us kids. I know Mom didn’t
always agree with Dad, but she always respected him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Upon agreeing to marry Dad, she had agreed to
build him up and support him through good and bad. That meant that she brought up
disagreements behind closed doors, but in public she had his back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was not acting hypocritically; she was
giving him the dignity he deserved as head of our household.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we got older, they worked out more
disagreements in front of us, but it was always done in love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They wanted us to see how couples could
discuss things as adults and Christ followers, never giving in to screaming
matches or physicality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Love your children. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Okay, let’s get the discipline issue out of the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s no secret that well behaved children are
easier to be with than those who are always whining or causing trouble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Letting a child get whatever they want is not
love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Children don’t come out knowing
exactly what they’re supposed to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reasonable
guidelines need to be made and kept.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Children
need discipline.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The keys to discipline
are consistency and control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Consistency is pretty self-explanatory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you say you’re going to do something, do
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t threaten things that you’re
not going to do—like leaving your child in a store. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being consistent encourages obedience, but it
also develops trust and a sense of security.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Your children will not respect you or your boundaries if they don’t know
what’s expected of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If one morning
a spilled glass of juice is no big deal and the next it’s worth a spanking,
your children will never feel comfortable with you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Choose your battles wisely. Know when kids are
just being kids; know when discipline is needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The last thing a parent should want is for their child to be
afraid of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is where control
comes in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot of parents think it’s
their job to control their children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One
thing I learned through Mom and Dad is that a parent’s job is actually to teach
their children how to control themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Step one is Mom and Dad having control over themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom once told me that she never punished any
of us kids; she disciplined us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Punishment is a parent’s way of getting even, in the spirit of anger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are angry, do not take action in that
moment, because you will always take it a step too far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Discipline is correcting a child, in the
spirit of love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Spankings, if used
correctly, are a form of discipline.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom
and Dad hated having to spank us, but sometimes it was necessary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We knew this because they told us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beforehand, they made it clear why we were
being spanked, and afterward, they would look us in the eye, tell us they loved
us, and give us a big hug.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the
relationship being built in everyday moments that made this possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">One thing I know is that a child measures love by time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not time spent working for a standard of
living.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time spent with the one you’re
claiming to love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And by <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">with</i> I mean <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really with</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, your
family needs the money you make to live, but what your children really need is
a relationship with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Set boundaries
at work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you get home, get off your
phone or iPod, or whatever it is that’s stealing your attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be with your children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Listen to them, and really get to know
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Play with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Teach them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Be patient with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Explore with
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take them on dates, and treat them
to an ice cream cone when finances allow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let them run errands and complete projects around the house with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Play games, do puzzles, or go for a
walk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Just, please, do something with your children</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let them be a child, and have fun with
them!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Looking back, one of the most wonderful things Mom and Dad
did was treat each of us as individuals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They recognized that we were each unique, and they valued that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of us were expected to be like the
others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of us were valued above the
others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They did their best to be
equally involved and interested in sports, academics, the arts, and our many
ways of handling our social lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the
end of the day, they would do the same for each of us:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tuck us in, say a prayer, listen to any
last-minute jabbering, then give a hug, closing the day with an “I love you,
and I’m so proud of you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let your
children know they are valued for who they are as a human being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For their talents and the areas where they’re
growing, for the struggles they’re working through and the fears they face, for
their beauty, and the joy and adventure they add to your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">There is so much more that could be said about every one of
the subjects I expanded on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure I forgot
something, but each family is unique.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even
if you were able to see a complete movie of my life, your individual story
would leave room for question and debate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No family is perfect, but every family has hope. Start with loving
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let Him transform your life and
your marriage with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love your
spouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cherish each other as you demonstrate
patience and conflict resolution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love
your children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Value them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Make memories while life allows.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-13476932407612967462013-02-14T19:53:00.001-08:002013-02-14T19:53:22.069-08:00Another Valentine's Day Post :) Valentine's Day. Some love it, some hate it. This year...I'm totally loving it! I have no official boyfriend. I was in classes all day. I went to the gym and got all gross instead of getting dressed up for dinner. I had dinner ALONE in my dorm room, for pitty sake! And now I'm eating a RingPop. Classy, right?? <br />
<br />
All my life, Valentine's Day has been a bit bitter/sweet. Cute, buuuut...then again, how great can it be if you don't have a <em>real</em> get-you-flowers-and-call-you-beautiful Valentine? <br />
<br />
But. Today, as I looked around at all the couples holding hands, and a young man dressed up in a suit crossing the yard with a dozen red roses, and watched as half the campus escaped the ROT (our dining hall) and headed for a real restaurant, I realized something. I just love love! :) Love, as God designed it, is just so pure and sweet and beautiful. How sad is it that we (I say "we" because I'm guilty of it, too) turn up our noses and look with disgust and/or dismay, jealousy filling our hearts, when we see a couple clearly possessing the love we wish we had. <br />
<br />
For those of you who aren't believers, I'm sure my pulling God into all my posts gets a little obnoxious...seems a little obsessive...and is definitely cheesy, cliche, and flat-out weird. But I just can't help it! Cuz the love of God? No words could possibly describe it. When you know Someone who's as unbelievable as He is, you just can't help it! Besides, His love doesn't stop at me, and how selfish would I have to be to not to share Him? <br />
<br />
Here's the account of how He brought a million smiles to my single self in the midst of a million and one love birds: <br />
This morning, I awoke refreshed. As I was getting ready, I turned on Pandora and was a little bummed when I kept getting worship songs (terrible, I know). I was really in the mood for sappy love songs. Until I reminded myself that the songs playing were about the greatest Love Story of all time. I then listened with new appreciation for the message--the love songs--God was playing just for me. Continuing on, I even felt reasonably cute in my outfit! (you girls know what a blessing that is :) ) I walked outside to find the sun shining on a warm February day. A couple of weirdos whistled and waved at Carrie and me as they drove past us walking to class, which we graciously took as confirmation that others thought we looked alright, too, instead of as a threat or disrespect ;) A ridiculously hard quiz got postponed so I can study more. I felt great after going to the gym. Then I promptly ate away all the hard work, but each calorie was from a Valentine's gift, reminding me that singles are loved, too...so it's ok...? hehe :) Theeeennnn--this is my favorite part!--after the post office was closed (of course) I learned that I have flowers waiting there for me!!!<br />
<br />
So, needless to say, this single girl's day was preeettty stinkin' good. Now, I know not every day goes like that. I know sometimes we're cranky and feel like everything is going wrong. Those days stink. But the great part is that the Giver of all these good things never changes. He's great like that :) So, when you have a good day...chalk it up to Him. I dare you :) And when you have one of those bad days, remember this: God is faithful. Tomorrow will be better. :)<br />
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I have so much I could say, but unfortunately, home work calls even on the good days. So you'll just have to wait to hear the rest. For now, happy Valentine's Day! I hope you know that you are terribly loved. You are special and desirable. This day wasn't made just for those with the perfect significant other who knows just what to say and do. This day was made for every one, "For God so loved the world...." This day. was made. for <em><strong>you</strong></em>. <br />
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Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-7143348833968445772013-01-19T19:56:00.000-08:002013-01-19T19:56:24.406-08:00ooooh, Life!!!...When one of you all figures out this thing we call life, let me in on your secret, would you?? Cuz I'm feeling like a bit of a basket case at the moment. ...no rotten fruit this time, just a confused bunch :) <br />
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Maybe I'm writing now to avoid homework. Or maybe it's because I'm feeling a bit homesick tonight. Or maybe partly because I just looked at a friend's blog (theneesbylookbook.blogspot.com) and it's like my favorite blog ever, but it always makes me sooo stinkin' nostalgic! that much (plus our names :) ) Nicole and I have in common. Or maybe because I still don't know how I feel about this whole college thing. I mean, I like it here. It's good to be back. buuuuut, it's also hard. I miss my family and community (have I ever mentioned that?) Plus, my gorgeous and wonderful roommate transferred, so I'm all alone for a while, which is kind of odd. So that plus who-knows-what-else seems to be taking over the part of my brain that's supposed to be figuring out Communications class. Maybe writing the distractions out will once again get them out of the way, for at least a little while.<br />
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Over New Years, I decided that during 2013, I want to laugh more, worry less, and love life. I remember Dad preaching a sermon about contentment, and he said the best cure to being discontent is being thankful instead. <br />
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So, here's to being content and loving life once again. A list of my favorites at the moment:<br />
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I'm thankful for a good school. A place to learn and stretch myself. ...hopefully the art of staying focused is one I'll improve this semester, even though I'm clearly not off to a good start! :/<br />
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I'm thankful for the mind God has given me, even though it has problems focusing.<br />
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I'm thankful to know what it is to truly miss home.<br />
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I'm thankful for surprise run-ins with friends I hadn't yet seen this semester.<br />
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I'm thankful for snowy evenings that make it so I get to sleep in and take cute pics!<br />
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I'm thankful for the tears that help me remember Mom and Dad and the depth of their love. Even though it hurts. <br />
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I'm thankful for sappy old country songs that make me think of Dad and how just about every love song was his song to Mom at some point. <br />
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I'm thankful for MilkyWay's (even though my figure may not be! hehe) because Mom loved them. Especially out of the fridge with a good, cold Coke. <br />
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I'm thankful for the prayers sent on my darkest nights that remind me God knows what's going on, and He is in control. <br />
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I'm thankful for the promises of a faithful God. <br />
<span class="text Jer-29-11" id="en-NIV-19647"><sup class="versenum">11" </sup>For I know the plans<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)"></sup> I have for you,” declares the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, “plans to prosper<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)"></sup> you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Jer-29-12" id="en-NIV-19648"><sup class="versenum">12 </sup>Then you will call<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19648W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup> on me and come and pray<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19648X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></sup> to me, and I will listen<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19648Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)"></sup> to you.</span> <span class="text Jer-29-13" id="en-NIV-19649"><sup class="versenum">13 </sup>You will seek<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19649Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)"></sup> me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19649AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Jer-29-14" id="en-NIV-19650"><sup class="versenum">14 </sup>I will be found by you,” declares the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, “and will bring you back<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19650AB" title="See cross-reference AB">AB</a>)"></sup> from captivity." ~Jeremiah 29:11<sup class="footnote" value="[<a href="#fen-NIV-19650b" title="See footnote b">b</a>]"></sup></span><br />
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So. I guess I really have quite a bit to be thankful for. I just have to "train my mind" as my sister's man says! Some day, all of this will make sense. For now, with the good Lord's help, I'll just enjoy the days--the moments--I'm given, and I'll be thankful.Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-71300586228467130502013-01-06T13:17:00.001-08:002013-01-06T13:17:23.637-08:00The One That Got Away(Warning: the following is a post full of confessions from a sleep-deprived, still-trying-to-figure-this-grieving-thing-out, teenage girl.)<br />
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Wowzers. ...I don't even know where to start...<br />
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My first semester of college is over, PTL (praise the Lord). While it was good, it was also a challenge I'm glad to have completed. Classes went well, and the girls in my hall are wonderful! But...it was...different than I expected. For starters, there are so many people! So many new people, and I didn't realize how much I would miss the community back home. I guess I expected more of the summer-camp-type relationships where the girls you live with become your best friends right away, and you laugh and have a good time, but deep conversations also come naturally. I've had some of that at college, but those "life-long" friends? ...I'm still waiting to see what God has for me as far as that goes. That said, relationships are a much bigger challenge than I expected.<br />
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And then, I came home for Christmas break. ..."home"...such a strange concept these days, especially if "home is where the heart is." You see, I'm not really sure I know where my heart is. Some times it's at our house where I grew up and learned so much about life through Mom and Dad. Other times it's at the Fiordelise's where my family mostly is now. Many days it's several years down the road in what I imagine <em>my</em> home, with <em>my</em> family, to be. And more often than I ever thought would be the case at 19 years old, my heart has moved past it all, and I long for heaven and an end to all this struggling. <br />
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But here I am, and so I'm trying to figure out how to live the days I'm given. Trying to know when it's good to figure things out, and when I need to just let things be. Trying to find joy in the days to come and not fear. Trying to keep my focus on God's character and provision instead of all the world has and could hurl at me. ...always <em>trying</em>...and I get so tired of all the fighting within me.<br />
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I get tired of waiting for life's next great tragedy.<br />
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Fear. Fear is so crippling. Love...has the power to set the darkest heart free. So why do I choose fear so often? <br />
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I want to again be that girl who "laughs at the days to come."<br />
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So. I guess I'm trying not to try so much. I want to enjoy the moments. I want to see the good and exciting things of life again. I don't want my days to slip away before I realize what a good thing I've got. I want to be as Mom and Dad were described in Gehman Photography's blog post I just read: "alive! Inside and out."<br />
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Sometimes a "bright future" seems like an event, locked behind giant doors, impossible to open. Until, through a song on the radio or an old inbox from a complete stranger, a hug or smile from a friend, or through a Psalm I highlighted when my biggest problems were high school drama and tests, I am reminded that I hold the key in my pocket. So I reach in and take it out. And inscribed on that key is one simple word. Love. <br />
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I have the love that Mom and Dad raised us with, and I have the Love of the One who now welcomes them into His Home. His perfect love. And perfect love, my friends, drives out fear. (1 John 4:18)<br />
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...Knowing all that, it's still strange that my New Year seems to be waiting for February 4, the day of the accident. I know I won't ever "move on." I'll just move differently. Yet moment by moment, I'm learning to lean on that Love and take God up on His offer to carry my burdens. And when I do, He is <em>always</em> faithful. In fact, He's even faithful when I don't.<br />
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Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-30873185954298608892012-12-01T21:28:00.001-08:002012-12-01T21:28:49.072-08:00His Story"Hang in there." ...one of my father's most frequently used phrases for us kids. <br />
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Life gets crazy, no doubt! But I've found it's really true that there's a silver lining, peace after the storm. <br />
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The other night, I read through my old blog posts and was blown away at the faithfulness of God. I still miss Mom and Dad, but as I read through those posts, I was reminded how heavy the cloud used to be compared to now. I remember the raw emotion and tears that were cried as I spilled my heart. I realized how much healing has already been done. <br />
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Sometimes the scabs are ripped off, and I have to start over, but one thing has not changed. My Rock and Redeemer has never left my side. He has been my strength. He is redeeming every heartache and moment of brokenness. <br />
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One day in class, we had a guest speaker...two, actually. It was a young lady and her mom. The girl, Jen, was in a car accident with her family in 2006. They were hit by a drunk driver going 80 mph, only a little over a mile from their home. All four members of the family survived, a true miracle! However, Jen, 15 years old at the time, suffered such severe brain injuries that she was in a coma for 5 months. They went on to tell us how when she awoke from the coma, instead of being angry and swearing like patients often do, the only time she could speak clearly was through praise songs and while speaking with the Lord as though He were right there in the room...because, of course, He was. While she is still mostly blind, has little short term memory, and often thinks more like a child than the adult she is, she's alive. She's alive and sharing her story all over the country, giving people hope and a reason to continue on.<br />
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I have a confession: when I first heard her story, I was a little bit bitter. I mean, I was happy for her and all, but a nasty little thought cut through that happiness. <em>What about us? Why does her story get to be one of continuing life instead of seemingly life-cut-short? Why does she get a different story? </em><br />
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And then it hit me. Our stories are really no different at all. You see, as followers of Christ, we're not really living <em>our</em> stories...we're living <em>His</em> Story. We are characters in one Story, living out different chapters, playing different roles--both rather insignificant supporting roles. It's the Protagonist we're supposed to be focused on. <br />
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The crazy part is that while we play rather insignificant roles, we as characters are deemed the farthest thing from insignificant. We are, by His grace, "His own special treasures," and you can be, too. Because of the blood of Jesus spilled on the cross, we both live stories of victory, not for ourselves, but as messengers of the One who saved us from utter despair and depravity. We may not see how the chapters fit together now, but we have the promise that in the final chapter, the Protagonist of our story wins once and for all. This gives us, as warriors for the King's army, worth beyond measure. <br />
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I was struggling the other day with what to do with my chapter. <em>How do I best love people and use the comfort God's given me to be a comfort to others?</em> At least, that's what I thought I was struggling with. After discussing it with a dear friend, I realized that in all honesty, I was becoming much more interested in promoting my story than I was in promoting God's story. I was trying to write in my own bits and then tell the story on my own terms. Control and recognition were becoming gods I wasn't sure how to obtain. And it was just terrible! I was miserable and disconnected without even realizing how much self-absorption was clouding my view. <br />
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After becoming aware of this fact, I was able to resurrender my life--past, present, and future--to the only One who's been by my side without exception. He will determine who hears Our story and when and how. He will decide what the next page brings, and my job is to actively trust Him. This means living in obedience to what He's telling me to do <em>right now</em>. It means taking a deep breath and not worrying about the future, trusting that He will tell me what to do then, too. <br />
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I get so stressed out about what I'm supposed to be doing now so that I can be all God wants me to be in the future. While this is good to an extent, I'm realizing more and more that seeking "God's will"--a plan, a formula--is rather stressful. Seeking God, however, is as simple as a prayer or 5 spare minutes in Scripture. God promises that we will find Him when we seek Him, and each time He's found, His face--His character and the things He wishes from His children--are ingrained into me a bit deeper. As He becomes familiar, the things I should do as His daughter are easier and easier to identify. Following His wishes becomes more and more second nature. Opening my heart and eyes to the works He's doing and wants me to do is less and less challenging, less and less frightening. <br />
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Life gets crazy, but God is trustworthy. Your life is important to Him. His desire is to give your toughest moments meaning in the end. So..."Hang in there." Don't quit on God. I promise He hasn't quit on you. Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-9081374262652483992012-10-09T21:04:00.000-07:002012-10-09T22:15:21.190-07:00Urgent!!<span style="font-size: large;">The war is won, but the battle is certainly not over.</span><br />
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Recently, a rather troubling thought keeps coming to mind: Why is it that in the midst of a tragedy, leaning on the Lord is seen as amazing and a story worth sharing...and yet...a few months after the fact, using the name "Jesus" respectfully is an offense. an abhorrence. a nuisance? <br />
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Folks, God hasn't changed. He is still the Strength and Peace and Joy and salvation we need every single day. <br />
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Tonight, I had the privilege of singing Christmas carols to a terminally ill, 5 year old boy who isn't expected to make it until Christmas. It was truly a Hallmark movie moment. The family and surrounding neighbors have lights and decorations up, fake snow in the bushes, <em>and joy in their hearts. </em>After we sang, the children ran around the yard, turning cartwheels and using some of the girls as horses. The parents stood and talked to us of God's goodness and faithfulness and how He sustains them every day, in the midst of grief. <br />
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The parents are facing the loss of their child and yet they opened their home to us for Thanksgiving dinner in case we aren't able to make it home. They brought dessert out to us. They told us their home is always open...except when they're not home, and then it will be open as soon as they get back. That's only the beginning. This family goes around to other families facing the same painful realities they are and brings gifts to them. But most importantly of all, they share the Gospel <em>because they get it. </em><br />
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They understand that life is not a game. Life is not a guarantee. Every day is a blessing. Every single day, we look eternity eye-to-eye. There's not a single one of us here who knows how many more tomorrows the Lord will choose to grant us. <br />
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And we have a choice to make: will Satan get the last laugh, or will we be able to look him straight in the eye and say, "Bring it on, though guy. Guess what? <em>I've already won</em>."?<br />
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I fear too many of us try to dance around Satan. We think we can trick him into leaving us alone. We think a self-made righteousness--doing and saying the right things at the right time, while "important" people are watching--will get us by. But that is exactly what will trip us up. <br />
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There is such a burden on my heart for those who don't know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior and Lord. All my life, I have loved people, but I have shied away from proclaiming the cold hard Truth for fear of offending or having people tune me out. I can't do that any longer. I have seen too much death for that to be a possibility even one more night. <br />
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You see, tonight, a whole bunch of people will die, and you could be one of them. <strong>That's truth number one.</strong> <br />
<strong>Truth number two</strong>: when you die, you will spend eternity in either heaven or hell. ...that's a long time, in case you didn't know. Please don't tune me out already. I'll try to keep it short.<br />
<strong>Truth number three</strong>: I love each and every one of you dearly--even those of you I have not personally met--and I do not want to spend forever without you because you denied Christ and are unable to dwell in heaven with us. <br />
<strong>Truth number four</strong>: God loves you more. More than you or I could ever perceive. I'll prove it. <br />
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You've heard it said, "Jesus died on the cross for you..." Let's do a quick history lesson on Roman crucifixions like the one Jesus endured <em>for you</em>. The 39 lashes given to this sinless One, fully man and yet fully God, were not like when your friend snaps you with a wet towel because you deserved it. On the ends of 9 leather strips were lead and broken bone that would penetrate the skin and tear chunks of muscle from the body as they were ripped away. The lashes were distributed from the shoulders to the calves, and He wasn't wearing that loin cloth like you saw in The Passion. It is believed that by the time Jesus had made it through the lashes, His internal organs were nearly exposed. After that, they draped a robe across His bloodied body and He carried His cross nearly 1/3 a mile, until He could physically carry it no more. It would have taken nearly 90 minutes to make it to where His cross would be put in the ground, and when He got to the top of the hill, they tore the robe from His body, re-opening His wounds. Driving spikes through His wrists and feet, they missed every major artery and vein, yet struck the largest nerves in the area. That secured Him to the cross, certainly not a smooth, finished one like we display in our watered-down sanctuaries. Splinters and knobs would have scraped against His raw back every time He breathed in or out. And the breaths did not come easily. In fact, many deaths that occurred on crosses were due to suffocation. The weight of the body often dislocated shoulders and elbows. With the stretching of the arms, it was impossible to get a breath without using leg muscle to push up on the feet that you will recall have a spike driven through the largest nerve. His death was ugly. His death was real. <em>His death was out of an unexplainable, unending love for broken, miserable, hateful people. </em><strong>That is truth number five</strong>.<br />
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<strong>Truth number six</strong>: The death He endured not only demonstrated the lengths to which His love will go, but it was also the ransom payment for all of our sins. past.present.and future. <br />
<strong>Truth number 7</strong>: Jesus rose from the dead after three days, conquering death. <br />
<strong>Truth number eight</strong>: If you will believe that Jesus was the blameless son of God, and repent of your sins, He will forgive you. That's a promise. (Repent: turn away from your sin and towards God, a complete 180.) You do not have to make your life right before you go to God, you just have to go.<br />
<strong>Truth number nine</strong>: "Becoming a Christian" is not just about the salvation (forgiveness of sin so that you can be with a perfect, just, holy God). It's about Lordship. Who are you letting run the show? Be careful. This still is not about you. Lordship is still about God. It's giving Him control and letting Him take over. <br />
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Sometimes, I still struggle with giving God complete control of my life. I often have to remember that He would not have willingly endured all He did just so I would follow Him so He can make my life miserable. I do a fine job of that on my own!<br />
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His desire is to make my life complete, and that's His desire for your life, too. <br />
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He has already done it all. There is absolutely nothing you can do to add to or take away from this incredible love story. It is by grace, through faith we are saved. The one and only part you play in this story is accepting the free gift of forgiveness and abundant life that God offers. By placing your faith in Christ and Christ alone, you can have hope for the future, and assurance for tomorrow--no matter what tomorrow brings.<br />
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If you have not already repented and given your life to God...will you? And if so, when? There are no magic words; only a sincere heart is required. May I remind you: tomorrow may never come. <br />
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Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-31183739956217614612012-09-16T13:31:00.001-07:002012-09-16T13:40:35.862-07:00The End of an Identity CrisisLife. Living. Being alive.<br />
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So many people wonder what these things are all about. It's a question my professors have already started asking me. It's a question we all wonder about whether we realize it or not.<br />
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Well, folks. I figured it out. ...at least, I figured out what God's trying to teach me at this stage of my life. And here it is. It's deep, so be ready.<br />
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I. am. loved. and. I belong.<br />
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I've always known these things, but I knew them as facts in my head. I chose to believe them because it got me through each day. Until recently, that's all they were. Facts. But the other night, my heart grasped them as Truth for the first time.<br />
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After the accident, I struggled with who I was. A bit of an identity crisis, you could say. I knew I was still loved and wanted, but all of a sudden, the people I was so identified with were gone. And that, mixed with grief, threw me for a loop. I felt so lost and confused. Suddenly, the confident, carefree girl everyone knew was gone, and I wanted to find her again so badly. <br />
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I am so pleased to say that God has been faithful yet again!<br />
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Let's back up a little :) .....<br />
Upon my leaving for Liberty, my boyfriend, Jason, and I decided to "take a break." We wanted to get plugged in where we're at and to make sure our focus is where it's supposed to be. To an extent this added to the confusion and feelings of "lostness," but it has no doubt made my relationship with God that much richer. In getting to know Jason and then having that source of strength "taken away," God showed me so much about His character. Many of the things bulleted below are things God helped me see through reflections of my relationship with Jason. God made it so clear that the blessings I received through dating and getting to know Jason are just a glimpse of all that He wants to give me. ...oops, I got ahead of myself again!<br />
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I'd been here a week, and homesickness was settling in. I missed home. I missed my church family. I missed Jason and the people I'd come to know through him. I missed my siblings. And I wanted so badly to pick up the phone and call Mom and Dad. But all those things were out of reach.<br />
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I felt broken. and alone. and lost. <br />
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Like God so often does, He started prepping my heart for the lesson He was about to teach me. I came across verse after verse about love. I knew God was trying to teach me about love, but for some reason, the words were hollow. They didn't bring the restoration and joy I knew they were supposed to.<br />
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Then Wednesday night, I attended campus church, and the message was about God's powerful, fierce, undying love for us. I returned to the dorm, still feeling empty, even after crying at the "best" service I'd been to for a while. So, I grabbed my bible, journal, music, and hot tea (and a Fudge Round, of course! ;) ) and headed for a quiet spot outside. And as I poured my heart out to God on the pages of my journal, His Spirit was allowed to come alive in me again.<br />
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I cannot begin to retell all that He showed me that night, but I can tell you I am changed from the deepest part of my being. You see, for the first time in my life, my whole heart belongs to God...my Creator and Sustainer, my Portion and my Joy, my Provider and Protector. <br />
<br />
As I sat alone under the stars that night, God kept reminding me that I had never confessed my love for Him. Why? Because quite frankly, it had always felt kind of cheesy. But more than that, I was scared. I've always hated disappointing the people who "mean the most," and the enemy had me so convinced that if I say, "I love God," then I have to be perfect. He had so twisted the Word of God in my heart that I thought, "If you love Me, you will obey what I command," meant, "If you really love Me, then you'll be perfect for Me. No more room for error. And if you do mess up...you must have been lying to Me about this so called 'love.' Lying to <em>ME</em>, the One who created you. Do you really want that to happen?"<br />
<br />
I didn't. I didn't want that at all, so without even realizing it, I built up a wall between God and me. As if I could protect Him from my failures.<br />
<br />
Then God oh-so-gently spoke His Truth into my heart. "I don't want your perfection.<em> I want your heart. <strong>All of it.</strong>"</em> <br />
<br />
All of it? What does that even look like? ...He showed me that, too.<br />
<br />
First, He wants our relationship to be mutual. I could almost feel the Creator of the universe begging me to just tell Him I love Him. After years of putting it off, I gave in, and my heart and mind flew wide open. Every time I wrote the words, "I love You, God. I really love You!" a piece of the wall fell down. The fears dissolved, and in their place was joy and excitement. <br />
<br />
Now, I know that loving God is more than fuzzy feelings, but I'm a teenage girl. Let's face it. My picture of falling in love is still that excitement over first dates, and having a song, and getting cute letters on a day when I feel at my worst.<br />
<br />
I think God likes that kind of love, too. Those first stages of falling head over heals! The moments that I still saw in the 20+ year marriage of my parents when that significant other was the only one in the room. Here's a snapshot of what He showed me. <br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Not only am I <strong>loved</strong>, I am unconditionally <em><strong>desired</strong>.</em></li>
<li>I don't have to be afraid of where He's taking me. <em>I am His most valued possession</em>, and as long as I trust Him, He will do His part in leading me to places that are safe and good. Life will still happen, and we will end up in places that seem horrifying to me, but <strong>He is stronger</strong>. <strong>He will protect me and lead me through as He sees fit.</strong> </li>
<li>He gets excited about treating me! He loves bringing me a field of <em>flowers</em> and the people who brighten my day. He doesn't just watch the sunset with me, <em>He paints it for me</em>!</li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>Every day brings opportunities to learn more about how <strong>wonderful</strong> He is. </li>
<li>Doing the little things for Him is a treat, not a burden. They don't prove my love for Him. They are <em><strong>the expression of a heart so excited about Him that I can't wait to see the smile on His face</strong></em> when He sees I've been paying attention to the things He likes. I <em>get</em> to go out of my way to make His day!</li>
<li>He wants the little, goofy things that come up in my day to <strong>make me smile as I think of Him</strong>.</li>
<li>He thinks I am <strong>fabulous</strong> and <em><strong>drop-dead gorgeous</strong></em>, so it really doesn't matter what the rest of the world thinks :) </li>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: large;">He is Enough.</span></strong></li>
</ul>
So, those are the fun things! :) I believe God wants this relationship with all of His chosen beauties--princesses, even!<br />
<br />
...Let God love you. And love Him right back, with your whole being!<br />
<br />
Like any relationship, this one will take work, but you can rest assured that God will never leave you. He'll never change His mind about how He feels. He'll never sit there and wish He would have chosen someone else...someone better. In His eyes, <em>you are the best there could possibly be</em>. He chose you knowing exactly what He was getting Himself into, and you are still enough for Him. He delights in you. He wants you to sit there and drink in that amazing, all-consuming love without feeling insufficient or unworthy to the point that you hold back.<br />
<br />
He would do anything for you--live and die for you if that's what it took for you to begin to grasp all that He is. ...In fact, He already has.Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-77928867950021598952012-08-17T22:09:00.001-07:002012-09-18T13:26:15.348-07:00Every Good ThingWell, I've been in my dorm for one whole night!! And tonight, I decided I was ready to hear Dad's voice, a piece of wisdom straight from his mouth as I look at the days and weeks and months ahead. <br />
<br />
After the accident, things changed. Some of the obvious ones were our living situation and simply not having Mom and Dad here. But things changed inside, too. I suppose it's natural, but I don't like most of the changes I've seen. Sometimes I feel so hard-hearted and like I don't even care about people anymore. That's not true, but it seems more often than not, I shut out the bad news cuz I just can't take any more. And I've done an awful job at having regular quiet time--something Mom and Dad stressed and I have come to value over the years. Yet in the midst of my biggest trial, regular devotions just weren't a part of the picture. <br />
<br />
So recently, I decided it's time to give up and fight, all at the same time. I've got to give it to God, and I've got to give Satan the fight of his oh-so-pathetic life. No more letting him tear me apart and have the upper hand. <br />
<br />
Anyway, I went onto our church website where you can listen to the services and was amazed to see that Dad's last sermon was titled, "Prepared to Fight." My heart was grabbed, and I clicked play, ready to hear Dad's voice. <br />
<br />
Instead, I heard my own. <br />
<br />
I heard myself reading from James 1:17 about how "every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." And then I went on. "This morning I want to encourage you guys to let yourself be amazed by God, to remember that every good thing does come from Him. And even if it feels like your life is crashing down, and like every good thing you have has been stripped away, you can rest in the fact that God does not change. He will always be faithful. And that is a very.good.thing." <br />
<br />
<br />
That was one day short of exactly two weeks before the accident. And part of the week between those milestones, Mom and Dad were away at a conference. I didn't realize how much I would have to be practicing what I had just preached. <br />
<br />
Life went from being beyond easy to presenting a challenge bigger than I ever thought I'd have to face. But. God is indeed faithful. He has provided for us financially and given us friends and family to support us emotionally. He has given me His Word. (when i actually read it...) It sustains me and encourages my weary heart. It challenges me and makes me want to be better for Him.<br />
<br />
As Dad went on in his sermon, he talked about the battles we will fight as Christians. No matter how peaceful we may wish to be, Satan has other ideas. The question is not whether we will find ourselves in a spiritual battle, but rather if we will be prepared for it or not. Dad always stressed the power and authority that the bible has and reminded us that, "He will indeed inspire us with His Word."<br />
<br />
I didn't make it through the whole sermon, but one of the questions he asked really stood out to me. <br />
<br />
"How do we begin to rebuild after life has fallen apart?" There are so many days I wish he was here to tell me where to begin with the mess before me. But as I sit and wonder, remembering who Dad was and the Truth he stood for and preached, I know what he would say. He'd get all teary-eyed, hold me close, and kiss the top of my head. And he'd say something along the lines of, "This really stinks, doesn't it?" I'd nod my head, unable to speak around the lump in my throat, and he'd go on, "It's no fun at all. It's one of those times I sure wish I knew what God's up to, but I don't. Hang in there, Colby. God knows what He's doing. He's still God. He's still good. He's still in control. Seek first His kingdom, and His righteousness, and He'll take care of the rest. ...Doesn't make it any more fun though, does it?" "Nope." That's about all I'd get out, and he'd squeeze me tight, tell me he loves me and how proud of me he is, and then he'd tell me to, "Get some sleep, babes." And everything would be ok for just a while. <br />
<br />
I don't have that luxury anymore, but I'm so grateful for the 18 years I was able to spend under his care and guidance! As far as Dad's work goes, I couldn't have been better prepared for the battle I now fight. I was trained to trust, to pray, to seek, to fall apart, and to allow God's healing power to begin its work in my life. I was reminded daily that we are a work in progress. God is alive and working in our lives every.day. He is sovereign and I don't have to have all the answers...that's why He's God, and I'm not. <br />
<br />
There are many times when the ache in my heart is still so real, but I must remind myself that it's not the end of my story. It's merely the beginning of another beautiful chapter God intends to write if I'll let Him. So I'm trying. Shifting my focus from all that I'm not to all that He is is a challenge, but it's so worth it! <br />
<br />
As a dear friend told me, "We're told all our lives that God is our Rock and Shelter and all that, but we can't know God's comfort if we never experience pain. We can't know His power if we're never weak. We can't know the depth of His grace if we never mess up...Our struggles are what allows us to really see and know God's character." <br />
<br />
God is not the Bad Guy. He is everything good and real and lasting that I have left. the only solid thing we have to hold onto during life's worst storms. <br />
<br />
All around me, people are crying out in pain, and as God begins to patch my wounded soul, my heart and ears are being reopened to them...depending on the day or even moment, of course. Each time I let God pour into me, I have a little more to pour back out on those I do life with, and I am inspired yet again by His living Word.<br />
<br />
"...love one another deeply, from the heart....For all men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass whithers and the flowers fall, but the Word of the Lord stands forever."<br />
1 Peter 1:22b, 24-25 <br />
<br />
He is faithful, and that is a very good thing.Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-86325096466778743002012-07-15T16:49:00.001-07:002012-07-15T16:49:22.856-07:00The Beach. My Remedy.There is something so stinkin relaxing about the beach. I don't know what it is...the sound of the waves or the smell of the salt water, the breeze or the fact that I don't know anyone else here. Or maybe it's the fact that God so brilliantly combined all those things :) But every time I come to the beach, I am reminded of God's greatness and that everything will be ok. He's got the ocean under control, so I'm pretty sure He can take care of little ol' me! <br />
<br />
Almost every summer for as long as I can remember, we have joined Dad's side of the family for a week in a beach house in North Carolina. Honestly, I used to hate being out on the beach. It was too hot, and I'd rather be inside coloring with Grandma! (I was a boring child.) But Mom always made me go out for a while, and now, there is something about the ocean that is...healing :) <br />
<br />
This year, we will be spending week one with Dad's side (his sister, her two kids and their families, including four very adorable, very energetic little boys!). Week two, we will switch houses and be with the Fiordelises (Aunt Beth and Uncle Bill, their three kids, and Grandmom). <br />
<br />
I plan on spending the weeks simply enjoying my family and all that comes with being at the beach! And, I plan on finally resting. Oh, how I need to rest! Not only my body, but my mind and my spirit, too. Sleep will be lovely, and devotions will be sweet and refreshing. ...I say those rather confidently, but I believe God has given us this trip for just those things. I need this time both to reflect and look forward to the future--without fear or anxiety. I need this time to laugh and cry as I break down and am built back up by the Restorer (I'm not sure that's a word...hehe). So I thank God for this opportunity and pray you all find time for whatever it is you need. That you will <em>make</em> time for those things. I sometimes wish I was smart enough to schedule "quiet time" into my life without feeling guilty! <br />
<br />
Anyway, after stopping to see Dad's parents and spending a lot of hours in the car, here's a look at day.one. :) <br />
<br />
We arrived to find that the tide comes in a lot farther than it did last time we were here! Just last year, that fence was buried in the ground and those HUUUGE sand bags were covered with sand. Now, high tide washes up onto the second or third stair, and well...the sand is disappearing! D: eek! <br />
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My toes were reintroduced to the sand and salty water...</div>
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We got a head start on family photos...</div>
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Aaaaand...Chase practiced his modeling skills....</div>
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The fun of catching minnows and building sandcastles began (don't worry, they'll get better :) )...</div>
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Cute shells lined up on the stair rail were admired :) ...</div>
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<br />Pretty pink clouds accented the horizon...</div>
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And I propped my feet up, forgetting my cares and soaking in the peace that encircled me :) ...</div>
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</div>Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-81565333667832855192012-07-14T20:10:00.002-07:002012-07-14T20:10:45.759-07:00The Real Dream Life<span style="font-size: large;">I've realized lately...although I suppose I always knew it...I am a dreamer.</span> <br />
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I dream of restoring a huge, old farm house to fit the modern country decor I love so much.<br />
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I dream of having the time and talent to keep a garden so I could eat fresh veggies all summer and then some.<br />
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I dream of making beautiful pies and learning to be a multitasker so I can make a whole meal at once without freaking out and burning everything.<br />
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I dream of my house being a home. Where people are free to gather and catch a breath while feeling welcomed and taken care of. <br />
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I dream of hosting hayrides for family and friends and Valentine's Day parties for young single ladies.<br />
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I dream of spending my evenings taking walks and sipping sweet tea on the front porch swing. <br />
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I dream of days spent more simply. Working hard and sleeping soundly. Enjoying relationships and hands-on projects instead of running all over the place from one event to the next to the next. <br />
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I know, I know, I'm old fashioned! And it doesn't bother me a bit :) <br />
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<em>But those things are all down the road a ways. And I do have other dreams...bigger ones, I think, for this less settled phase of my life...</em><br />
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I'd love to take a road trip out West! See the Grand Canyon and the mountains of Montana with my siblings...is that still West? haha, geography has never been my strong suit :) <br />
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I'd love to go on missions over seas and hold a lonely child in my arms, reminding him that he's terribly loved. <br />
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I'd love to go wind surfing and zip lining and on a hot air balloon and a sleigh ride!!<br />
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<em>And when I'm old...my friends and I have a genius plan for when we're all still alive and our husbands are gone! </em><br />
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The plan then is to have a mansion in Colorado. The house will be full of windows that overlook our lake. We'll have an art studio full of natural light and a cozy breakfast nook, a wood stove and maybe a nice neighbor boy we can make cookies for for when he's done chopping our fire wood. A huge ramp for mattress surfing, and beautiful homey decorations. We, of course, plan on being crazy old grandma's who still go fishing and ride 4-wheelers and race our wheel chairs! ...Don't worry, we realize how unrealistic this is! But you gotta give us props for this one :) <br />
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<em>I have no idea how my life will actually turn out</em>...if there's one thing that's become certain to me, it's the unpredictability of life. And I've discovered that the busier my life gets, the more I dream about the one described above. To me, life is a crazy mix of learning how to step forward, to take action so that my future is one I want to live with, and enjoying the present moment all at the same time. I'm learning to be thankful for the new opportunities God gives me and to cherish the memories I already have. <br />
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Like the song says, "Life's a dance we learn as we go. Sometimes we lead, sometimes we follow. Don't worry 'bout what you don't know, life's a dance we learn as we go." And so, I keep going, twirling, and dipping, stepping on a few toes, and learning a lift or two. <br />
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I'm learning that this has to be my own, unique dance. ...This <em>gets</em> to be my own, unique dance. I don't have to fit into a mold, trying to mimic another's style of movement or song. God has created me to be me, not another dancer I admire. Sometimes I try to be someone I'm not, but it never ends well. It only leads to frustration and disappointment. <br />
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I guess you could say I've been through a bit of an identity crisis. For a time, stupid ol' Satan wiggled his way in, and I lost sight of the fact that who I am in Christ and the way He's made me is enough. Worse than that, I forgot who that person was all together. I was so lost in what I thought I was supposed to be for the world that God's voice, reminding me that I'm His child--loved and protected and beautiful and...simply enough--was lost in the hurt and confusion.<br />
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I struggled with all of this for some time here recently. I let my mind dwell on what I'm not instead of who I am and who I can be with God's power in me. And I don't think I'm the only one who has this problem from time to time. <br />
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I'm so very grateful for the people who helped pull me out of this awful state of mind and spirit! Yes, grasping the good is still a process, but we're getting there. A dear friend--one of those Godly women who has poured herself into me more than she'll ever know--gave me this illustration: Sometimes, we find ourselves in a hole, and being the "fixers" that we are, we try digging ourselves out, making the hole bigger as we claw and try doing it all on our own. Sometimes, I think we need to be momentarily ok with the rut we're in--to say, "you know what? today I did a horrible job with my devotions! but it's ok" Because when we do that, it allows us to focus on the good. We've recognized the issue, and it calms us down long enough for us to grasp God's hand as He offers help, instead of trying to fix it on our own. <br />
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That wasn't exactly what she said, but it's what I got out of it, and it has helped so much! ...that, and some tears, angry words, and a hug from my sister, and dear Jason giving me orders to stop worrying about what other people think of me :) <br />
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Honesty with others gets me through a lot these days. ...No one can help if they don't know where you're wounded the most deeply. And the secret seems to be exposing those hurts before they become scabs, ugly and scarring. <br />
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Words cannot describe how much I feel for those of you lovely readers out there who don't feel like you have that person you can pour your heart out to. The other half of this journey has been learning to let God be enough. To be so real with Him that it's almost ridiculous. But hey, He knows it all anyway, so why not pour my guts out, right?! And I'm learning to let Him hold me. To speak to me directly through His word, and not just through other people. Trust me, when given the chance, He will speak so clearly it cannot be missed. ...Do we give Him the chance He deserves? <br />
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Well. There I've gone on quite the bunny trail again! In short, I'm learning to look forward to the mystery that is my future while embracing the beauty of the present. I find myself in bad moods far more often than I'd like, but I also find myself being refined day by day, moment by moment. <br />
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I don't always get it right, but His grace is sufficient for me--in times of hurt and failure, disbelief and wandering. And for that, I'm eternally grateful. Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-551124816264298868.post-85065035793660417772012-06-23T22:43:00.001-07:002012-06-23T22:43:43.716-07:00The Evidence RoomThe other day, I was watching one of the millions of crime shows on TV. It talked about how the evidence from a crime is never really gotten rid of. It just sits there and piles up. I don't know if that's true or not, but that with some other recent events got me thinking...<br />
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Is there evidence that I have touched other people's lives? <br />
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If spreading the fingerprints of Christ were a crime, would I have been arrested more times than I can count? <br />
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Do my words and actions towards other people make a lasting impression on who that person is and becomes? Or am I just another face in the crowd because I never took the time to invest in another's life? <br />
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...If I died while those I did life with are still alive, would my facebook wall be flooded with accounts of the differences, or at least impressions, that I made? ...Has my life spoken the volumes I know Mom and Dad's did? <br />
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I share these thoughts, not to hear affirmation. not to be told what people think of me. Just to be honest. With myself, I suppose. <br />
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I want to live a life as full as they did. I want to have an impact on as many people as they did. I want people to know me for the person Christ molds me into, and not the fears and insecurities Satan hurls at me. In fact, I don't want people to see me at all. I want them to see Christ. <br />
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And that means making some changes. some sacrifices. It means letting go of me and holding onto God. <br />
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...I tend to share my deep, put together thoughts on here, but I promise I'm still a work in progress! Trust me, I'm as messy as the room I sit in (and that's bad! ask my sisters, hehe). <br />
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Pride has always been something I struggle with. Pride and wanting to have a reason to be proud. to be flawless and beautiful and talented. to have other people like me. to be admired when I'm seen. <br />
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I confuse myself! I'm sure glad God knows what He's seeing when He looks at me, cuz I have nooo idea!! For example, I love serving people, but are my motives pure? Do I serve because that's what Christ did and because the people I'm serving are worthy of it, or do I serve to be seen and have people know how much I enjoy serving? to have them think I'm just wonderful? I think it depends on the day....<br />
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I don't think I'm the only one who thinks and feels this way. I just get so impatient sometimes! And lazy. I want my heart to be pure and blameless, but do I really take time to check out the dark corners and give things over to God? Not often enough. Am I brave enough to hear the things I need to work on? Rarely. When the things tripping me up are exposed, do I focus on getting rid of the obstacle or blazing a new trail so they're not an issue? Eh, on occasion...for a day or so...maybe. See. I'm more pathetic than I care to admit. <br />
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I will admit that blogging is kind of scary. What if people don't like what they read? or they think less of me after they read it? ...But there I go again, looking for my value and worth in the approval of other people. <br />
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Cuz what if my writing has the opposite effect? What if it gives hope to another young lady struggling with letting go of the world's expectations and figuring out instead what it is God wants her to be? What if it gets other people thinking and chosing to make changes in their own lives? What if exposing a bit of my heart lets one other person know that God is still on their side, and so they join the family of believers and find the love God so desperately wants to give them? What if me spilling my guts is exactly what someone else needs? <br />
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Honestly, I hope most of my readers are other ladies--of all ages!--because I feel like we'll be more on the same page with all of this. Men...well, we need them, but they're not always as understanding about these things. No offense to any guys reading this :) And ladies, I believe we need eachother. Nothing beats sharing your heart with other women who can comfort and encourage and share wisdom! I wish more of us had older ladies in our lives who we weren't afraid to fall apart in front of. I wish more of us reached out to the younger ladies in our lives who just need a friend. I wish we took time to slow down, enjoy our favorite refreshments with another woman, and talk with "mentors" about school and sports and boys and our struggles and the things that simply make our hearts smile! I think we would be much healthier if we did. Even if those favorite treats have a bit too much sugar :) <br />
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...Anyway, I got my father's gift of going off on bunny trails :) But somehow it all ties together. This one being that I miss Mom and our heart to hearts, and I hope I can be the person who others feel comfortable spilling their guts to because they know I really care. just like she did. I would love to see girls (including me!) embrace who God has created them to be, and to get there with the support of other Christ-loving women. I want to forget about me and embrace God. And I want other young ladies to do the same. <br />
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I want us to make an impact on everyone we come into contact with. And I want to see us invest time and wisdom into the lives of others. I don't want all this "independence" stuff to get in the way of leaning on the support systems God offers. <br />
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Most of all, I want us to quit doing life on our own. Life is exhausting that way. God placed other people on this earth for a reason. And above all, He gave us direct access to Himself. He is so powerful, and yet so gentle as He handles our hearts and our deepest fears! Though giving up control is scary, it's always worth it when we give the control to the One who knows the "big picture."<br />Nicolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06032579554018001036noreply@blogger.com0